Tuesday, July 22, 2014

And You Sustained Me

"For forty years you sustained them in the wilderness; they lacked nothing, their clothes did not wear out nor did their feet become swollen." - Nehemiah 9:21

This is going to be the most honest blog post I've ever written on here. 

Here's the thing, the last year of my life has been a mess. A lovely lovely mess. You see it was about this time last year that God threw a major game changer my way, then in September I made the choice to follow His call to go into the mission field, and in around October and November my life changed drastically.

I have a major struggle that I deal with daily, and although I don't feel comfortable enough to tell the whole world about it, I will not deny that It affects every part of me. 

Compared to what other people have to suffer, then this is nothing, because it's not a physical thing. In fact, if I told people about it, they would probably think I'm insane. For a long time, I thought I was going insane. But I'm not, I know I'm not. (God bless the people that believed me, especially my best friend).  

But this struggle has changed me, it has changed my life as a Christian and as a woman. Let me tell you how.

It made me vulnerable. It broke me.

I think I cried in church every Sunday for about five months because the weight of this struggle in my life was so heavy. And the problem with my problem, is that it's the root of all of my problems. Even if I wanted to escape this issue, I couldn't. For the first few months, I tried dealing with this on my own and it was one of the worst mistakes I've ever made, because that only made everything worse, it was consuming me. But one day, God gave me the courage to tell my best friend about it, and I'm so thankful that God ordained her to be my other half because she supported me and never doubted me.

What I deal with makes me want to hide. Sometimes it makes me feel pathetic, and I cry. Sometimes it makes me feel like an outcast, even the thought of telling anyone about it scares me. I'm constantly torn between asking people for prayer, and never mentioning a word of this to anyone, whether they know about it or not. For a long time, going to church was a gamble, because my fear would find me there. Worshiping God with songs became a risk, but it was a risk I was willing to take. There were days in which I thought I would crumble. There are days in which I wonder if this issue is slowly sucking out my joy. To this day, going to bed is an act of courage, and I pride myself on that one. I've been up many sleepless nights crying over things that are not even a part of my reality, but that's the thing about my struggle, it's all based on deception. I have days in which I shut down, because the voices in my head are way too many. I thought many other things in my life had broken me, but this one...this one shattered me, and it continues to do so.

And through it all...God sustained me.

That's the point of my life. I would not have made it without Him. No, this isn't one of those "God gave me the strength to do this" type of cases (even though He did), this goes deeper, much much deeper. This is a life or death type of issue. Without God, I would have given up. To be quite honest, I wouldn't even be dealing with this if I wasn't following God, but the fact that I am, proves to me that I have a great God. I have experienced His power, His incredible power. But most of all, I have experienced His love. I have never seen God, but I've seen Him in action. I've prayed to Him many nights to hold me in His arms like a baby, and He has. The same way he sustained the Israelites in the desert for 40 years, He has sustained me in my brokenness all this time. He has loved me, sinful, little me who deserves to be going through this, but He has loved me enough to give me the victory in what I'm going through. 

This issue helped me discover that in Christ, I am indestructible. By being completely vulnerable on my own, I discovered that I am nothing without Christ, and I can do nothing without Him. I had to be broken in order to discover what my Christ is made out of. This struggle helped me discover my Father. The darkness around me does not compare to the light that lives within me. I discovered the authority of Jesus as King, and the true power of His Holy Spirit, and I'm not nearly done being amazed at the things He has shown me. 

On the days when my fear found me at church, so did His comfort. And at night when I know what's coming, I know my Dad's power is a prayer away. God is light, a light that has saved my life and my sanity way too many times. Just uttering the name of Jesus has given me life and peace at times when nothing else in all creation could have saved me. I'm not afraid of what I live with, because I know who lives within me. It's very possible I will live with this for the rest of my life, and I promise you this: God will sustain me. He always has, and He always will. What I live with, the many terrifying stories I'll tell those who need to hear them someday, that's all here not to show how special I am, but to show how incredible my God is. 

If everyone saw life through my eyes, we would either have more Christians or more mentally insane people out there. But I finally understand that I have been shown grace in what I've seen, what I've heard and what I've felt. The bigger this gets, the more grace I'll receive. I have made it this far, and I will make it even further because my Jesus is with me, and He will never leave me.

Life is full of dark moments, and if we look only to those moments we'll walk as blind men and women for the rest of our lives. But if for one second we choose to look for what's beyond our pain, our fears, and our brokenness, we might surprise ourselves with how far we can go, and better yet, how far God can take us. 

Friday, June 6, 2014

Being Still and A New Type of Fear

So for those of you that don't know, I am currently on a missions trip in Turvo, Brazil. I am in an orphanage taking care of the kids that live here and shining the light of Christ in their lives. I have not had much time to kind of put my thoughts together (since I only got here yesterday) and this is going to be kind of a sucky blog entry but here's what I have learned so far.

Up first: Fear.

So this is a new thing for me. I've never been one to be afraid of things, but recently fear has been wanting to work its way into my heart. I've been learning about the different types of fear there are, but I think that this one hit home the most because of the way God showed it to me.

Going from the U.S to Brazil was a bit tougher than what I expected. I knew I had a close to 10 hour flight I had to take but I didn't think much of it. I'm not afraid of plane rides or anything like that, but I just discovered that they are one of my least favorite things in the world. On my way from Chicago to Brazil I had to take a plane from Orlando to Sao Paulo, everything was going great...until we took off.

A little after we took off we came accross some turbulence, it was bad. Here I am in this giant machine, thousands of feet in the sky and with no protection, if something fails, then we all die. So the plane started to shake a bit and so did my heart. That's when the fear came. This fear was different because I was not afraid. I knew that God was in control, I knew He had it down, but the thought of falling thousands of feet to my death remained in my head. Once fear takes you captive, it doesn't let go. Let fear invade you once and it will have you for life unless you do something about it. So you can have fear, but you don't particularly have to be afraid. Being afraid is recognizing that fear has some kind of power over you, it is you giving it the authority to violate your volition. So I allowed the fear to remain, but I refused to accept the thought that maybe I could fall to my death because God was not in control of the airplane or the weather.

God's word for me over the days before my trip were do not be afraid, and although I do not think this is my last encounter with fear, I do believe that this is one of the reasons why God said those words to me.

And now: being still

Psalm 46:10 says Be still and know that I am God

Well I got a glimpse of this on my way here. So although I did come here on my own, I did not travel by
 myself. I did not come with a group or anything, but I was blessed enough to travel with Jake and Amanda, my bosses and directors of the orphanage that I'm staying in. Now at some point, they kind of took over and led me to where I needed to go and stuff. So at the airport in Sao Paulo and in Curitiba I was kind of just following them.

At some point we had to catch a bus from Curitiba to Turvo. Here's when the lesson came.

I have no idea how things work for buses here. I don't know about the times or the places where to catch them, nothing. But Jake does, he has been doing this for many years. Now we were at the point of the trip where I was clueless about what was coming next. So we catch the bus and we take this bus up to Turvo. The bus literally left us on the side of the road. So if you can imagine, there was a gas station near by (we were a few feet away) and we had our 8 pieces of luggage, and it was getting dark. This is the part in a horror movie where people start dying. lol

And it was also the part where I had to trust Jake and what he was doing. Jake was figuring out our transportation from there to the orphanage because the phones had decided to stop working. Although it was dark, although it was starting to rain, although we had a crazy amount of luggage, I was not worried. I was not worried at all, not even for a second. I was trusting Jake, I knew he knew what he was doing and he would take care of it. This is when I remembered this verse.

Often times we see this verse as a burden, because being still is SOOOO HARD!! But this time I took it as a privilege. It felt so good to not have to worry about how we were gonna get from one point to another, it felt so good to know that I was not in charge. I think we see this verse as such a burden because we forget to look at the bigger picture. We concentrate on how hard it is for us to be still and not on how natural it is for God to be in control. There hasn't been a moment in history that God has not been in control.

Being still requires a stillness of mind that we rarely achieve because of the society that we live in. A woman from my church said to me a couple of days ago "It's hard to be still and know when you are never still".
This is where we get to the second part of the verse, being still requires you to have absolute confidence in the fact that God is who He says He is. I was able to be still because I knew with all my heart that Jake was going to figure something out. I just knew it. My mind dind't wonder off, my heart dind't start racing at any point, I always knew that Jake would do whatever he had to do to get us to the orphanage. That's how it has to be when we trust God. Being still means your mind stays rooted in who you know that God is, no matter how dark or rainy our lives may be. But in order for that to happen, you have to have the right idea of God. You have to know that God is faithful, God is righteous, God is love, God is perfect, God is all-knowing, God is all powerful, etc etc.

Being still is a privilege that we take for granted. It's not about how things are for you, it's about how easy they are for God.

These are the two big lessons I've gotten so far. I am beyond excited to see where God takes me and what other things He's going to show me next.

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

God IS Love

So, my mind is really weird. It seems to move faster than I would like but it doesn't make much sense. This topic came to me as I was writing my exit essay for my Philosophy of Religion final.

"Whoever does not love does not know God, because God IS love" 1 John 4:8

Do you get that? God is the very essence of love. He is the very definition of love.

What is God? Love. And what is love? God.

See, human logic does not get this. To us, love is a mere feeling. To us, love is like anger or sadness or rage. To psychology, love is just a collision of chemicals in the brain. In human terms, love comes and goes. It's the butterflies in the stomach, it's a mother's cry for her child, a father's 12 hour shift at work for his children. To us, that is love.

Sorry to disappoint, but that is not love.

Those are wonderful manifestations of love, a reaction of love. Because it is true, love is what you do, but better yet...

Love is God. Love is holy, love is light, love is a consuming fire. These are all things that God is.

I think this concept is about to change my life. See, I'm a hopeless romantic, so I buy into the "I will never leave you Jack" kind of love that Hollywood shows us (No, The Notebook and The Titanic are NOT my favorite chick flicks, I'm a little more original than that). And even though it is absolutely delightful to see Richard Gere climb up the stairs for Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, love is much more sacrificial than that.

Love is deeper. It is the very essence of everything that makes this world go around. It is a concept so outside of this world that only God can comprehend it, because only God is the true essence of love. And He, in all His grace, allows us to have a reaction to His love, by allowing us to "feel" love. 

Love cannot be felt, because it is more than a feeling. It can only be experienced. But here's the trick, God can be both felt AND experienced. Once you have God, you have love.

You know that phrase "love is all you need"?? I get it now. Because God is all I need. He is the very essence of my deepest desire, to love and to be loved. He is the butterflies in my stomach when I look into the eyes of a certain boy. He is the bus ride I take to see my best friend every time she says she's feeling down. He is the dishes I wash because mom is too tired to wash them. He is the courage I need when I want to tell someone about Christ. He is love. Not a feeling. A constant. An essence. A substance. A tangible impossibility that can only be possible if you understand that a perfect creator must be out there somewhere. 

I love people in my life, but the only reason why I love them is because God loved me, because by showing me what love is He showed me who He is. Do you ever do that? Do you ever tell a friend about a movie you really like? Or a book? Or do you ever send them lyrics to a song that utterly describes you? You're giving them a little insight of who you are, a little glimpse of what you truly are like. Well, that's how God works. He reveals himself in the little everyday things. But we would rather deny existence of "love" because we've experienced heartbreak several times in our lives than admit that it is out there somewhere and we are capable of obtaining it if we just let go of the fears and break down our walls.  

Love is the very definition of God, it is the fingerprint of our Creator. God is a man tortured and hanging on a cross because He can not bear the thought of seeing His creation doomed. God is love, the timeless definition for the craving of every one of us that was made in the image of God. And He loves us, His love is better than anything. And I finally understand why.

Because it is not a reaction, it is the action. His love is holy, pure, His love will never hurt me, will never damage me, will never contaminate me, will never leave me. His love is light, His love guides me, it shines on me, it is with me everywhere I go, His love can not be overcome by the darkness. His love is a consuming fire. A constant, consuming fire that burns fiercely and quickly. It should devour every part of me and consume every sin within me. That is love. Wow!!

The natural reaction of love is human, fleeting and flawed. Love in itself....well, that's God.

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

God is Sovereign

Yep. This is going to be random, short and quite lame but I've been reflecting on this for a little while now.

If you are a devoted Christian, there will be many moments of confrontation between your dreams and God's will, and God will eventually confront you with his sovereignty. There will be a conflict between your will and God's sovereignty. Your faith will be the mediator in that conflict. The quantity of your faith but most importantly, the quality of your faith. At the end of the conflict there can only be two outcomes, submission or rejection. It is your faith that will determine which one you're going to follow.
Only true, deep, blind, audacious faith will understand that through submission you will never be disappointed. That although your dreams may look differently, your heart will always be satisfied. But rejection will bring momentary happiness and long-lasting affliction.
Having unshakable faith in the invisible God will make possible what is visible and what is invisible.
The King will ALWAYS reign. So just follow.
Dreamers have the capacity of being the most faithful believers.

God bless :)

Thursday, August 15, 2013

What Hurts the Most: Part 3 - Break Ups

Oh yeah, I've been there, in fact I AM there. I have officially now been in both positions, I have broken up with someone and someone has broken up with me.

When I first began this little series, I knew I wanted to talk about this but I didn't really know how to go about it, I am currently going through a break up right now so I can finally blog about this. It did take me a while to put my thoughts together but I think I'm ready to talk about it now, so here we go :)

First things first, I want to talk about heart break, but I want to make it very clear that there are a trillion and one things that can break your heart, I only want to focus on heartbreak in the romantic sense right now. I'm going to say why break ups suck and how you can deal with them a little better.

Man, break ups SUCK!! Like they really suck! You go from constantly talking to this person and hanging out with this person to just....a friendly hello, or a look every once in a while, or just....nothing. I think personally the hardest part for me is that if that person is your best friend, then you're losing a best friend, that sucks.

Break ups, separations, divorces, they are all difficult, especially if you're a woman. Psychologically, women are more prone to take the blame for a screw up in the relationship so when these things happen, we tend to over analyze and say "what did I do wrong?", we start thinking of all the things we could have done differently to save things, to fix it, we start to ponder about the "what ifs", we take the blame 100% of the time without realizing that a relationship takes TWO people. No matter what gender you are, you begin to remember all the words that were said once, all the promises that are now broken, all the dreams that are now lost. You begin to associate that person with places and memories, for example: you're at a restaurant with your friends and you start to remember that one time when you and your significant other went there together and all the fun you had and all of a sudden now you're down and you just want to go home. You start to miss that person like CRAZY! And the moment when it really hits you that they don't miss you...well, that's when the tears come. These are just a few reasons why break ups suck.

Being in a relationship is difficult and it is very risky, you are always at risk of heartbreak, no matter how well or how long you've known that person. You are putting yourself in a position of vulnerability. That's a reality that everyone should always remember, not because it will make things any easier, because trust me, it doesn't, but keeping that in mind will help you be a little more careful about the people that you date. The way I see it, you should always ask yourself this: if this person woke up tomorrow and broke my heart and forgot all about me, would I regret this relationship?

See, I just got my heart broken, and it was not cool, it hurt, A LOT, but one thing that I have learned from my mother is that a lot of suffering in life comes from the consequences of our actions. Another thing I learned from a wise woman at my church is that in life, it is always about the choices we make. I made the choice to go through with this relationship, I made the choice to trust this boy with my heart, for whatever reason I made the choice to get close to him and I can honestly say I do not regret a single moment of it, I don't regret a single second of that relationship because the person that I was with made me extremely happy at some point. Heart break can either strengthen you or destroy you, in this case, the way I see it, if the relationship was worth it, then it will strengthen you, you'll be able to look back and smile and learn from the experience and thank God for the blessing that it was. If the relationship was not worth it, then you'll be destroyed because you won't have anything from that to bring you joy.

Yes, that person made me EXTREMELY happy, and yes, that person is making me very sad right now, he has changed with me in a matter of weeks and that can be confusing, frustrating, annoying but above all, painful. I like to apply a simple concept to all of my relationships with people and I think it should be applied during break ups as well: people change, memories don't. I don't know who this guy will turn out to be in the future or who he is changing to be now but I know who he was and how he was during the relationship. He was kind, caring, sweet, funny, he was my best friend, my partner in faith, he was wonderful, I could go on and on about how incredible he is. I can only thank God for what we had and how he treated me, I was a queen in his eyes, and rather than sit here and feel sorry for myself because I no longer have that, I'd rather very much thank God and praise God because I had the privilege of having that!

Whatever you do, DO NOT pity yourself. Try to be logical and rational. If you want to deal with things better then distract yourself, get some alone time, after being in a relationship for a while you need some solitude to figure out who you are and especially who is the kind of man or woman that you want to be with someday. Go out, have fun, be social, stay active. If it hurts you too much to look at old pictures, letters, messages, etc., then don't do it, save it for when you're ready, save it for when you can look at it and smile about it. No matter how much of a jerk that person is to you, if that person is someone who once made you happy, value them, just because your opinion about them has changed it doesn't mean that their value has changed also. Do not beg, seriously, let that person go, give them time, have patience, God is taking this and teaching me about patience, about letting go and letting God do everything in His time and not my time. God is working, I know it, I just have to wait on Him. But I'll warn you, it might take years, so be ready for that. If you think that this is the ultimate end between you and that person, then make sure that there are no words left unsaid and that they don't move on and start calling you "my crazy ex", but if you're like me, if you still have hope, then just be you, don't try to be a "better you", don't try to change yourself, be yourself. I'm not saying you can't make improvements, you can and you should, that's what wisdom is all about, but at the core, be whoever you want to be, whoever you think you are, let them slowly notice that you're improving, don't shove it down their throats.

Last but not least, trust God. It is so hard to be at peace when you can't see the bigger picture, all you can see is the tears falling and all you can feel is your heart broken, but God has a plan. I know this is God's timing, with how recent the break up is and how much I adore the person I was with I should be laying on my couch eating 5 tubs of strawberry ice cream every day, watching my favorite chick flick and crying my eyes out, but I'm not. The only reason why I'm not is because I can tell that this is God, this is from God, I prayed about this and this is His timing. Yes it hurts, but yes, my God has given me SO much joy! I remain hopeful, hope is always alive, it is never lost or gone. Until God gives me an ultimate no, this remains as a "not yet sweetie, wait on me". I thank Him everyday for my past relationship, I thank Him for his timing and even for the pain, I am learning a lot of important life lessons. God is teaching me about what it means to be Himself, what it means to be like Christ and especially, what and who I am. It is thanks to this pain and disappointment that I am learning to listen to that still small voice, I am recognizing how the Holy Spirit talks to me.

Christian or not, life gets a lot easier when you change the focus from how people treat you to how you treat people, apply that when it comes to your ex. Hurting someone just for the sake of getting back at them because they once hurt you will only leave you worse off than you were before. Forgive and forget, everyday you live is a gift, don't waste on useless grudges. Always remember that sorrow can be God's greatest ally, it can be that one thing that draws your attention to Him, mending broken hearts is one of God's favorites hobbies.

There is a time and a place for everyone and everything in your life, some people will cross your path and be a lesson, some will remain a mystery and some...well, some are waiting for you to discover their meaning :)

God bless

Monday, August 12, 2013

1 Peter 5:7

"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7

A lot of things have been going on in my life lately, lots of changes. Everything with my ministry (Rise Above It Missions) is going so well that it makes me wonder where this is going and where God is gonna take it and if I will be even strong enough to keep going with this. I'm about to start college which is kind of scary I guess, a lot of my friends are going away so it does make me think about the relationships that will end with that. Anyways, I've been thinking about a lot of things. There are 2 verses that have really jumped out at me during this time, I will blog about this one first and the second one is for another topic.

Please know that these are just my thoughts and my interpretations, none of this is like legit or anything. 

When I think about this verse I think about what it really means to cast ALL of my anxiety on Christ. I mean like ALL of it. In the bible, many times God says to trust him, to not worry about anything. But I am such an impatient person that if I don't see answers or results right away I start to worry about things. One of the things that God has been teaching me is not to worry. When I think about this verse I think about it in a metaphorical way. 

Imagine that you have a pile of bricks, right next to it there's a wheelbarrow and you are welcome to use it as often as you need to. Now you have to move that pile of bricks from one end of the room to the other end. You have two choices, you can either carry them all in your hands, or you can use the wheelbarrow. If you have too many bricks to carry with your own hands they will be too heavy and you won't be able to pick them up, you might be able to, some of us are stronger than others, but you would have to go slow and take your time, you can also carry as many as you can but then you would have to make more trips than if you used the wheelbarrow. If you use the wheelbarrow, you'll be able to put as many bricks as it can carry and you'll go a little faster and make less trips. Christ is your wheelbarrow, when life throws too many bricks at you, too many struggles and things that cause you to be worried and anxious, He is there waiting for you to just lay it all on Him. You wanna know why? Because casting those things on Christ allows you to keep going with life, it makes life a little bit easier. Life is hard enough, sometimes God commands you to do things so that you don't make life harder for yourself. 

But here's the catch to my analogy. You know what you can't do? You can't try to put some bricks on the wheelbarrow and carry some bricks in your own hands. A) It is not effective and B) it is completely ridiculous. To me this verse is difficult because it's very much based on an "all or nothing" system. Cast ALL of your anxiety on Him, not just some of them. I'm not saying don't do anything either, I'm not saying that if you're worried about being unemployed  you should just sit there and let God worry about it without doing nothing. No, you do your part and apply for a job, but let God worry about what will happen after you apply. Do your thing and move your feet but give up to God things that are beyond your control. He does not want us to be carrying half the pile of bricks in one hand and the other hand in the wheelbarrow. He desires for us to trust in Him and put the entire pile of bricks on Christ. That give us both hands to drag the wheelbarrow, when I think of it that way, both of my hands are free, if I ever get tired of dragging the wheelbarrow, if I ever get discouraged or my faith in Christ weakens, I can take my hands off the wheelbarrow and do whatever I want with them, I can put them together to pray, all of my anxieties are still on Christ but prayer will allow me to strengthen my faith.

But the absolute most important part of this verse is the second part. Is the answer to the question. Why? Why is the wheelbarrow there in the first place? Why does God choose to operate in this "all or nothing" system when it comes to this verse? Because he cares for you. Wow, that's huge. Let me get this straight, the God of the universe, wants me to not worry about the big or petty things of life BECAUSE HE LOVES ME?!?! SAY WHAT NOW?!?! Not only did he take human form and sent His son to die for my sins, but He also now wants me to not worry about ANYTHING and trust Him with EVERYTHING. That's the part about this that blows my mind.

So those are my thoughts on this verse. To me this verse is on God's little "TO DO" list for us, I like to believe that sometimes when God commands us to do something is not for His benefit but for ours. Sometimes God wants us to not rely on who we are, but to sit and wait for Him to reveal what He's made of. 

Friday, July 5, 2013

I'M A MOM!!! :D

No no I'm playing, I'm just kidding :) Did you actually believe that? Wow, I must be getting good at this whole lying thing. lol JUST KIDDING!!!

Ok but the real point of this is that yes, I'm a mom, I'm going to talk about my child....Rise Above It Missions. I call it my baby :) because it is, Weebly even gave us a birth certificate. It's legit.

I don't think I've really expressed what this ministry means to me or what is doing in my life so I want to talk about it now.

Rise Above It began with my best friend and I just doing random acts of kindness for people, she introduced me to different ways of encouraging people and I just picked up on them. The more we did, the more greedy we got, we just wanted to do more and bigger! So, being the genius that she is, my friend came up with the idea of setting up this ministry. We noticed how many people on tumblr were hurting and cutting so she began doing her part by messaging people there, just encouraging them. Then she came to me with the idea of setting up an email. Sometime in December, I believe, we launched the email account. January 2nd of this year we got together and launched the website and the facebook page and a couple of weeks ago we launched the twitter. Everything has been moving pretty fast, and pretty slow at the same time. At the moment it is mostly an online ministry helping teenagers who are facing depression, self harm and eating disorders.

I knew I liked helping people, but my gosh this girl, my ministry partner, her heart for helping others is SO HUGE! She's so selfless! She will do anything to be there for people! I admire that so much and I'm hoping to mirror that someday. When everything with Rise Above It started I was very excited! I loved the idea! Then for a while I got really lazy about it, I let so many other things get in the way of my work for this, I'll admit my heart wasn't always passionate for it.

Then something changed. We got news that this girl that my friend was helping (not through RAIM) had attempted suicide and was in the hospital. Whoa...that shook me so much. That night I didn't even know what to say or think, all I wanted was to do something with RAIM, get back at it, post something, DO something!! God really woke me up that night and I kept thinking about a certain verse in Ephesians that a pastor from my church had preached on earlier in the year, Ephesians 5: 14 "This is why it is said: 'Wake up, sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.'"

It was as if God himself was literally shaking my body and yelling at me "WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WAKE UP!", he was waiting for me, for my partner and I, to wake up, get up, and be the arms and feet of Christ. You see I believe God has huge plans with this ministry, this is His', but he needs us to carry it out. Ok God, point taken. 

After that night I began to put my full effort into this, everyday my partner and I have been working on it and we got into the habit of praying for RAIM everytime we got together, the moment the happened...God answered our prayers, RAIM started growing and growing and getting bigger and holy cow, it's just awesome, God's power is awesome! 

I call this ministry my baby because it is much like a child. I didn't really realize how much responsibility this took, I mean we are not only saying "Oh Devil, me! Pick me! Pick me! Attack me!" but we are also vulnerable to attachment and loss, what if one of the kids we help does go through with their plans of committing suicide? What if they do die? It's a huge load to take on. Much like a kid, you have to be constantly paying attention to it and caring for its needs. We are constantly talking to our followers and updatting the website and the facebook page and such.

RAIM has made me realize that I am part of something so much bigger than I am, it really shows to me that God's plans for me are so different from the ones I make. When I became a Christian, I never imagined that I would get involved with something like this, I didn't know how much God was planning on using me. I am in awe, honestly I love this ministry and I will fight for it until the end. The satisfaction I get when people tell us that our words of encouragement helped them is priceless, nothing makes me happier. I pray that God shines His light in the lives of these people and that many may hear the gospel through us, that they may see Christ through us. Part of the responsibility of this ministry has been entitled to me, why? I have no idea! But I will do what God is asking of me.

I love Rise Above It Missions and I will cherish it, protect it, help it grow and take care of it until God tells me to let it go, to move on.

P.S Check out our website at riseaboveitmissions.weebly.com

God bless!!

One more thing: if God is calling you to do something....just do it.