I'M A MOM!!! :D

No no I'm playing, I'm just kidding :) Did you actually believe that? Wow, I must be getting good at this whole lying thing. lol JUST KIDDING!!!

Ok but the real point of this is that yes, I'm a mom, I'm going to talk about my child....Rise Above It Missions. I call it my baby :) because it is, Weebly even gave us a birth certificate. It's legit.

I don't think I've really expressed what this ministry means to me or what is doing in my life so I want to talk about it now.

Rise Above It began with my best friend and I just doing random acts of kindness for people, she introduced me to different ways of encouraging people and I just picked up on them. The more we did, the more greedy we got, we just wanted to do more and bigger! So, being the genius that she is, my friend came up with the idea of setting up this ministry. We noticed how many people on tumblr were hurting and cutting so she began doing her part by messaging people there, just encouraging them. Then she came to me with the idea of setting up an email. Sometime in December, I believe, we launched the email account. January 2nd of this year we got together and launched the website and the facebook page and a couple of weeks ago we launched the twitter. Everything has been moving pretty fast, and pretty slow at the same time. At the moment it is mostly an online ministry helping teenagers who are facing depression, self harm and eating disorders.

I knew I liked helping people, but my gosh this girl, my ministry partner, her heart for helping others is SO HUGE! She's so selfless! She will do anything to be there for people! I admire that so much and I'm hoping to mirror that someday. When everything with Rise Above It started I was very excited! I loved the idea! Then for a while I got really lazy about it, I let so many other things get in the way of my work for this, I'll admit my heart wasn't always passionate for it.

Then something changed. We got news that this girl that my friend was helping (not through RAIM) had attempted suicide and was in the hospital. Whoa...that shook me so much. That night I didn't even know what to say or think, all I wanted was to do something with RAIM, get back at it, post something, DO something!! God really woke me up that night and I kept thinking about a certain verse in Ephesians that a pastor from my church had preached on earlier in the year, Ephesians 5: 14 "This is why it is said: 'Wake up, sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.'"

It was as if God himself was literally shaking my body and yelling at me "WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WAKE UP!", he was waiting for me, for my partner and I, to wake up, get up, and be the arms and feet of Christ. You see I believe God has huge plans with this ministry, this is His', but he needs us to carry it out. Ok God, point taken. 

After that night I began to put my full effort into this, everyday my partner and I have been working on it and we got into the habit of praying for RAIM everytime we got together, the moment the happened...God answered our prayers, RAIM started growing and growing and getting bigger and holy cow, it's just awesome, God's power is awesome! 

I call this ministry my baby because it is much like a child. I didn't really realize how much responsibility this took, I mean we are not only saying "Oh Devil, me! Pick me! Pick me! Attack me!" but we are also vulnerable to attachment and loss, what if one of the kids we help does go through with their plans of committing suicide? What if they do die? It's a huge load to take on. Much like a kid, you have to be constantly paying attention to it and caring for its needs. We are constantly talking to our followers and updatting the website and the facebook page and such.

RAIM has made me realize that I am part of something so much bigger than I am, it really shows to me that God's plans for me are so different from the ones I make. When I became a Christian, I never imagined that I would get involved with something like this, I didn't know how much God was planning on using me. I am in awe, honestly I love this ministry and I will fight for it until the end. The satisfaction I get when people tell us that our words of encouragement helped them is priceless, nothing makes me happier. I pray that God shines His light in the lives of these people and that many may hear the gospel through us, that they may see Christ through us. Part of the responsibility of this ministry has been entitled to me, why? I have no idea! But I will do what God is asking of me.

I love Rise Above It Missions and I will cherish it, protect it, help it grow and take care of it until God tells me to let it go, to move on.

P.S Check out our website at riseaboveitmissions.weebly.com

God bless!!

One more thing: if God is calling you to do something....just do it.

We are NEVER EVER EVER getting back together

Yes the rumors are true, I had a fling with depression a few years ago, and it was real, it was solid, we were going steady but I realized something, depression was a selfish jerk! So I said to it "depression you're a selfish jerk, and guess what? I met someone else. He's Jewish, he has 3 nails inside of him and he is everything I deserve in life! I'm happy now, depression, without you. It's over!! (If you didn't get that reference then you need to rethink your life choices.)

But enough with the funny stuff, see I'm trying to be funny and be happy because.....because I'm scared. I'm at a weird point in my life, I'm moving on to college (which means I have to worry about paying for college) and I'm in a real relationship with someone and all of a sudden I'm responsible for a ministry and there's just a lot going on. And I'm scared. I'm scared because I know me, I'm strange and when hard things come my way, it's almost as if I didn't allow myself to suffer. I know hard things are going to come my way, I can feel it, but I'm scared of masking it all again, of not letting myself...break I guess, or at least bend, because that's how I will end up in depression again. Slowly but surely my smile will start to fade only because I won't let myself show the world that I can be vulnerable.

But it's surely making its way into my heart already, I've been feeling so...worthless. The main reason for that is that I feel too dumb, I feel like God is talking but I'm not listening, I feel like a failure in many aspects of my life right now, I just keep making mistakes in my relationship with friends, family and my boyfriend, and the sin that entangles me (at the moment jealousy) is once again creeping in and it's difficult to fight it back. I keep comparing myself to others, especially to other girls around me, saying things like "she's better than me, she's a better christian, she's beautiful, she's so virtous" etc, etc. I'm worn. I'm tired. I feel so...pathetic. And I'm scared because I'm a natural born quitter. I know that this is how I fell last time this happened...

BUT

I like wars, I like battles. And I know that right now I'm fighting a spiritual battle. Right now the devil is throwing all kinds of things at me so I will be discouraged. If I fall into depression now, I won't want to help people, I'll be whiny and worry only about myself, I'll forget fighting my sin, screw it, what's the point anyways right? You see I know I'm weak, I know I can easily fall into that, lets face it, there's a lot of "love yourself" work that I still need to do. But I also know my identity, I know who goes before me, I know my God, my Christ is strong. So now that depression is requesting to get back together I must say, we are NEVER EVER EVER getting back together. Like...EVER. I have a God who loves me.

Right now I'm being fooled, I'm choosing to listen to all of the devil's lies about me. The reality is that I'm not worthless, I'm not stupid or less of a Christian for not being able to listen to God, he says to seek Him and I will find Him, He doesn't say when or how I will find Him, his command is to seek Him. I will keep seeking.

My mistakes do not define me, I'm struggling with that A LOT. Whatever I am, God is still molding me, He's still working in me, I'm not perfect and I will never be and I can guarantee that I will make mistakes, heck I might even make the same mistakes over and over and over again, I know myself, I know how appetizing sin can be, but I know that I love God and despise my sin, I will keep going, I may fall and stumble with the same rock over and over again but with God's help I will get back up again, because my God does not measure his love for me by the number of times I fall or rise, I am not limited by any of that. And it is so comforting to know that I am loved and accepted by a perfect and loving God and that I don't have to be seduced by the claws of depression.

I'm unique, I don't have to compare myself with anyone. You know how when you go to the store, you have two of the same products but one is maybe a little pricier than the other so you start to compare prices and wonder about the quality of each one. Yeah? Well human beings don't work like that. I keep forgetting that. I keep comparing my quality to that of other girls, why? I was not made to be compared, I'm only going to be the best or worst version of me there will ever be, I'm exclusive, special edition! There will never be another me, there may be millions like me, but not another me!

Right now I'm frustrated, not with life, but with myself. There's no message of hope there, just a reality, but let me say this, something I've been trying to learn lately.

Beating yourself up for your mistakes is going to leave you bruised, broken and stuck. If you want to feel human, then make a mistake, they are a part of us, a part of you. They come with lessons. Yes, I've been messing up more than usual lately, so what now? It's time to pick up the pieces, I've learned from my boyfriend that you live and you learn. 

Mistakes that don't come with lessons are not mistakes, but just like in school it is your choice to pick up on the lesson or not. Wisdom is a choice and depression is a selfish ally.