So I've had a lot on my mind lately, and a lot on my heart as well, but I've been thinking a lot about people, I'm seeing so many people hurting right now. And they're not alone, some days I just want to forget about everything and listen to music for hours and hours without end.
As I was analyzing what hurts people, what drives our behavior, I realized that there are some key things, some main things that hurt all of us. Especially me.
Comments. What people say. That's one of the things that hurts us the most, there's a theory called The Lookingglass Self in which you see yourself through the eyes of others, you begin to define yourself based on what others see and say about you. I can honestly say that it is really hard to fight this, to fight falling into the Lokingglass self effect (yes, to me it's just an effect) because we are taught to consider what other people say about us. Well lately a lot of comments from a lot of people have been hurting me deeply, I know that they don't mean to hurt me and that they don't realize that they're doing so, but that doesn't erase the fact that they're hurting me. These are people that I love to death, I do my best to concentrate on who I know myself to be, because besides God, no one else in this universe will know you better than you know yourself, no one knows the demons you fight or the thoughts that you think, that's all on you. So whether the people that hurt you with their comments are some of the closest to your heart, or whether they are strangers, only you have the power to give their words power, to give their words meaning. You see I am a firm believer that our emotional health is our personal responsibility, perspective plays a huge part in that, the comments that people say can either make you doubt yourself completely, or they can help you see who you really are. They say you're a loser, who decides what a loser is? They say you're ugly, what's the definition of beautiful? Do they say you're dumb or stupid? A letter grade or a number should not be a measure to see if a person is capable of problem-solving.
I realized that a lot of times we define ourselves based on what society says about a specific thing. I'm a christian and I know how God views me and it is still hard for me to fight off all of the negative comments, I've also been on the other side where I didn't understand how much God loved me and I can tell you that I became a different person based on what people's opinions of me were, people's comments had a huge toll on me in middle school and one of my greatest fears is that I will go back to that place again, that place where it was all about what people thought of me and not about what I thought of me.
Look, whatever you do with your life, for good or for bad people are going to have an opinion about it. Everyone you meet is going to have opinions about you and you can let those opinions becomes realities or you can let them be what they are, opinions, ways of thinking. If you want to know yourself, get to know your creator. Words only have power if you choose to give them power.
I know about the power of words because I know that I've also hurt a lot of people with my words and for that I am truly sorry. Let me say this, people will remember the nice things you say about them, the good things, and they might remember them for a couple of years, but in the end people will never, ever, forget about a time when their heart was crushed because of something you said. They might forgive, they might get over it, but we never forget about things that leave a mark on our hearts and painful words cut deeper than we can imagine. So many people hear so many words of encouragement everyday and at the end of the day they still cut, they still throw up, they still hate themselves. That's because everyday all they can think about is the negative words.
Watch what you say to people. I know, I have to do it too.
Choosing to love people and encourage them is not easy, and we might hurt others subconsciously because we are not perfect, but it never hurts to keep your tongue in check and I hope you discover (the way I did) that loving others is one of the best ways to show love to yourself.
Live not by the words of a fallen society, show this fallen society what are the words to live by.
Yep. Amen.
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