Bugs. They are not my favorite creatures in the world but they are ok I guess. But there's one bug that really irks me, that really really bothers me. The jealousy bug. Grrrrrr it makes me mad!!!
That stupid green creature (yes, I like to think it's green) has been bugging me my whole life! Here's something you should know about me, one of my biggest flaws is that I am an envious and jealous person. Honestly, ever since I can remember I've been this way, just always looking at what others have and wanting that. For some reason jealousy comes natural in me and I have to fight it. Apparently this stupid bug doesn't wanna die! It has been holding on to me for almost 18 years now but I've found the antidote to this burden. Meet my friend God :)
Ok I'm going to tell you about this girl, she's one of my closest friends, pretty much a sister and she's like the best person I've ever met. Her heart is constantly seeking God and she's constantly doing nice things for people and making people happy and it's amazing to see her development and growth as a godly young lady. This girl and I share everything, we talk everyday and we always tell each other about the random cool stuff that happens in our life. Now this girl is so kind and everyone sees that, she's so amazing and people notice that and recognize her for that and that's when jealousy starts to bite me. Confession numero dos of this post is that I'm a spotlight stealer, an attention seeker, it's an old habit from my childhood that I'm also trying to get rid of. Now this combination of jealousy and attention seeking is not good for me because it makes me dislike my best friend. "Well how come she gets all the attention??" Have you ever felt that way?? Ever feel jealous of a friend or a sibling? Well welcome to my life! lol. Literally. Until a couple of months ago I didn't know how to deal with my jealousy, I just shoved it aside or I would hide it or whatever, and then I finally figured out how to control this virus.
The best part about this girl is that she's so nice and I love her soooooo much that I can't help but to feel happiness for her and for everything good that happens to her. The only reason why I can do that is because of God.
I have this virus, this bug that is holding on to my skin for dear life, it feeds off my flesh and it seeks to devour my soul, it's called jealousy. But like any virus, it can be controlled, it's still in my system, it's not dead and it will never die but there's medications to help me control it. God is my medication for this virus. A part of this medication is love, I think about the people that I'm jealous of sometimes and I instantly change my thoughts and try to find a reason for me to love them, the number one reason that comes to me head is "well Christ died on the cross for them, he loved them that much, who I'm I to deny them my love??", then other reasons pop up and all of a sudden the virus is under control. When I think about God's love for them....wow, it helps a lot. Think about it, all this good stuff that's happening to them is because God wants it that way, God knows what each person needs and he knows very well that the last thing I need is attention. lol. He is constantly teaching me things and my number one lesson to learn here is that I don't NEED attention, it is not a necessity in my life.
My second ingredient to this medication is kindness. This girl is amazing and this bug comes up all the time when I'm talking to her, this reoccurring appearance reminds me that I need to be a kinder person. Ever get jealous of someone who has less than you? Cause I sure don't. Now Christ was as kind as kind can get, if dying on a cross to save a bunch of non deserving brats doesn't scream kindness to you then I don't know what does. haha. But seriously, getting jealous only reveals my lack of kindness towards people because I am not having a "pleasant disposition" towards the situation. I am called to pursue godliness and one of the ways to that is by being kind.
And finally we have humility. Now this one is probably the one I struggle with the most because being humble is one of those lessons that God has been trying to teach me my whole life and I've just been missing it COMPLETELY!! Kind of like trigonometry. lol. But it takes a humble heart to recognize its own faults and now I can admit my jealousy to myself. When I was a child my mother was the one calling me out on it all the time and I always told her she was wrong, that I wasn't jealous and I would push it aside but that bug kept holding on to me. Now a days I look at the situation and I can recognize when that bug is biting and I choose to feel the bite, to take it, to deal with the pain of it but I also choose to fight it.
God has given me this amazing friendship with this girl and it is such a godly friendship, such an spiritual upliftment but my favorite part of this friendship is that it helps me control this virus. Let me tell you how, God uses her as a great, shiny light to people (including me), this stupid bug apparently doesn't like that light so it starts biting me but I, being the intelligent child of God that I am, can feel the virus coming so I use the tools that God has given me to fight it. Fighting my jealousy means fighting my sin, winning a battle against my sin means winning a battle against the devil because he wants me to give in to jealousy, he knows that that can make me bitter and it can consume me to the point where I will question God's choices for my life. When you have a cold the first thing you do is deal with it, you take some medicine, take a bath, do whatever it is you have to do to make it go away. That's the same reaction I have to my jealousy, I do whatever it is I have to do to make sure that I'll be all better again soon.
If you are a fellow carrier of this virus then I hope this can help you, I hope you recognize that it's there because it's the first step to healing. If you are not then I hope you can find your own virus, because whether it is jealousy or bitterness or lust or pride or whatever the ONE thing that they have in common is that they share the same antidote: GOD!!!
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