AHHHHHHHH!!!!! THERE'S SO MUCH GOING ON! Ok this past week has just been so full of emotional ups and downs that I am just tired. Part of me having this blog is that I get to vent about the stuff that's upsetting me.
I've really been feeling a lot of love from people around me lately and it's awesome. These are people who are just willing to love me and I am extremely grateful for that. God has been really blessing me a lot lately.
He was spoiling me really. And then he said no to a prayer, a HUGE prayer.
Wow. I was not expecting that. I legit did not see that one coming. God likes to spoil me so he usually answers my prayers with a "yes" but not this time and although I was extremely upset at the time I wasn't upset with God. I was upset at the situation and the events but my heart never got angry at him. I don't understand Him and I prayed and told him "this sucks" but I never blamed him and even when I think about my reaction I smile for no reason. Want to know why?? Because I would have NEVER done what I did today 2 years ago when I was a non-christian. Because today I truly realized the meaning of my transformation. You see things didn't turn out the way I had planned them today but God told me "DO NOT be anxious", he told me to follow him, yeah it was not easy, it was hard receiving a "no" from God when I usually get an approval for everything but I want to trust him, I'm going to trust him! Wow today I was able to obey God's will and follow His plan...had this happened two years ago I probably would have ignored God completely and done things my way. He is testing me, testing to see if I can walk the walk. It's one thing to say "I'm going to follow you" than to actually do it. I know that he's making me the person He wants me to be, he's preparing me for the future.
Today I had an amazing worship time just by myself in my living room and I was blasting my music and screaming my heart out and wow...I felt the Spirit SOOOOO MUCH!! Like there were times where I would get goose bumps and I knew that He was there and I knew God was in control.
I know that doing the right thing is hard and sometimes we don't even see how following the rules is worth it but think about it, we complain about the world and people who don't follow the rules...well when God tells us to go right we choose to go left!! Not all the time, but sometimes we just ignore him COMPLETELY and we ignore his will. I don't know how to explain it but even though I was sad and disappointed and angry I felt happy and peaceful (Philippians 4:7) and I felt JOY!
My attitude determines my situation. Now, I can choose to be a bratty 5 year old and pout about not being able to get things my way and be a total jerk to the people that brought about this situation OR I can act like a mature young lady and a faithful christian and realize that what I am facing right now is a spiritual battle and I can choose to stay focused on the events of today or I can move on and rejoice because I know God knows better, he planned this whole thing FOR A REASON!! I can choose to confront things with anger and sadness or I can choose to look for the joy in the little blessings of everyday life and confront this with love.
Some good will come out of this, because problems and trials and tribulations are cowards and they don't come by themselves, they come with a solution and lesson. And I know that the testing of my faith develops perseverance :)
My God's enough for me, I hope he's enough for you too :)
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