What can I say?

Ok...let's get personal. I like someone, I still like he same kid I've talked about before.

And he is WONDERFUL!!!!

Now the boy that I like doesn't go to school with me so most of my school friends don't know him. Yesterday I was hanging out with some friends that I love to death, they are not Christian or anything (sadly) but they are great girls. So one of them asked me "in 5 words or less tell us, what makes this guy so special?". Hmmm....I had to think about that one.

Here's why.

I had hung out with a few girls and like two boys that day. After that I went to my homecoming game and we got separated so I ended up sitting by a bunch of boys, I mean I was literally surrounded by guys, how did that happen? I don't know. But it made me realize something, they were all SOOOOO WORDLY!!! Oh my gosh it was ridiculous! The things they would say, the way they would talk, their behavior, I mean everything was just extremely worldly. One guy asked another "where's your girlfriend?" and he responded "cheerleading" then the other guy said "you tap that?". Wow. Fail. At this point I was ready to slap someone.

You know when you have friends and they have friends that you don't really know but you want to hang out with your friends so suddenly you end up hanging out with these people? Well that happened to me yesterday. Not only did I have to spend two hours of my life with two boys who kept making sexual jokes and swearing and weren't all that great but I also had to sit next to about another 10 boys who were JUST like those other two. No. Excuse me, THEY WERE WORSE!!! They were super disrespectful to girls, the way they expressed themselves about them was just horrific. They were just all stupid teenage boys.

And this entire time I was thinking "Wow. I'm so glad _______ is not like this!"

So after the game my friend confronts me with this question. What do I say? And how do I make it 5 words or less? Well my first response was "He's-a-Christian" but I know lots of Christian boys who are not godly like he is. I wanted to use the word godly but my friends wouldn't particularly understand the meaning of that word. So what do I say??

I think I was tongue twisted. I couldn't possibly have given an answer in just 5 words!! Well I could have but it would have been a HUGE understatement! Sometimes we take things for granted and I feel like I take this boy and his feelings for me for granted.

See God is funny because this boy and I live completely different lives and our schedules are super different. So many times we'll go through periods of time when we won't talk much and I start letting my imagination run wild: "maybe he doesn't like me anymore" or "he just doesn't wanna talk to me". And it's like that part in The Avengers when Loki traps Thor and tells him "Are you ever not gonna fall for that??". It's just what God does to me, when we stop talking simply because our lives are busy and I start thinking it's because something is wrong is like God saying "Really?? Are you ever NOT gonna fall for that??"

I'm I ever going to trust God COMPLETELY when it comes to my relationship with this boy? Here I am being extremely blessed with someone who lives his life FOR CHRIST, who is not even dating me yet and already treats me like a princess, who is eager to talk to me and excited to spend time with me, who makes an effort to be a part of my life AND I'M COMPLAINING?!

Yesterday I truly realized how extremely blessed I am to have him in my life and to have inspired feelings towards me in his heart. It wasn't a coincidence that I had that experience with worldly boys the whole day and after the game this question pops up. God was trying to tell me something. Ok dude, message received :)

What makes him so special?? HIS.HEART.BELONGS.TO.CHRIST! What else can I ask for?? What else can I possibly say? He adores God and wants to give Him everything he has! He sees Christ and wants to be a reflection of Him. I pray that I am in God's plan for him and that he is in God's plan for me. I pray that someday we get married and have children, I pray that we are meant to be. BUT if we are not you can know two things for sure:

1) His future wife is an EXTREMELY lucky/blessed woman.
2) He has set the bar super high for my future husband. I have pretty high standards because of this boy.

Yeah, a little bit of a rant but I just needed to say how blessed I am. Man, God is so good :)

Divorce is NOT an option!!!

If there is anything in this world that I absolutely HATE with a burning passion that would be divorce. I'm warning you now, I'm going to be all over the place because this subject makes my blood boil. I love how people think it's even an option. It's not.

Ok let me explain, I come from divorced parents, I've seen people get divorced my entire life. Couples that I love and adore, just this year 3 couples that I just loved to pieces got divorced. Seriously? Really?!

Vows are EXTREMELY important. When you are at the altar you make a PROMISE, a promise to stay with that person no matter what. Who said promises were meant to be broken? Now a days people just go around marrying whoever. Do me a favor, don't marry the person YOU love most, marry the person God wants YOU to love the most. God will provide a man or woman for you, he will provide someone that will compliment you. People let their emotions get the best of them and after 5 or 20 or even 30 years together, they decide they no longer want to be together. Why? Why do we give up so easily? Why do we like winning so much yet when it comes to marriage we allow ourselves to loose? Marriage is a work in progress, it takes work to make it work. We fight so hard for so many things in our lives and yet when the time comes to fight for the person we once swore to love until the end of days we just...give up. As if giving up was an option.

People get married for the stupidest reasons and then they let other stupid reasons get in the way of the marriage. Be wise. Choose wisely, even better, let God show you who he chose for you.

Look I've grown up with divorce all around me, it keeps following me, it's challenging me, almost taunting me, it's telling me "you won't be able to do it, you won't make it either" BUT.THAT'S.A.ALIE!! Just because the people around you can't make it happen doesn't mean that YOU can't do it. I pray so much for my marriage, I pray for my future husband, I even write letters to him! I pray that God just shows me who he chose for me. And this you can know for a fact, I.will.fight! And I will win! I will NEVER forget my vows, I will not break that promise. In my marriage, just like in the rest of my life, God will reign! He will be King and head of the whole thing. My husband and I will have a godly marriage and we will grow in our faith together. I will dedicate my marriage to God because it really doesn't belong to me. Someday I'm going to meet a godly man and he will accept me and love me and he will love God with all his heart and we are going to get married. That union will be dedicated to the one who allowed for all of that to happen, the one who decided to bless me so much.

Why do people forget about love? Why can to people say they love each other and then after some years just "fall out of love"? If you want to say a word, first learn the meaning of it. Learn the meaning of love, of love between two people who were once strangers. Don't go around saying "I love you" to whoever you date.

I hate divorce. I despise it with all my heart. It was a trial in my life, yes it made me stronger and yes it was necessary for me to come to Christ and God (in his awesome wisdom) knew that it would bring me to him but no, I don't wish it upon ANYONE!! No child should go through what my siblings and I went through, it is destructive.

This was a little bit of a rant but I can't help it. It annoys me that people have made divorce an option now a days. Vows are words that our mouths say and promises that our hearts make. And no heart should make a promise in vain.

My heart belongs to Christ, when the time comes, he will gladly share it with my husband. And just like I fight my battles against the devil for Christ and for God in this world, I will fight my battles to keep the person God chose for me to love the most and with God's unending strength and undeserving help...I will win.

May all the glory go to the King.

It's ok to not be ok

If there's one thing I struggle with is "not being ok", showing people when I'm not ok. A couple of weeks ago I was feeling really stressed and anxious about starting school and usually I go to two of my best friends for prayer and they are always there but this wasn't always the case and it's still not always the case.

Before I became a christian a lot of times I would deal with my own problems myself, I was my own shoulder to cry on, my own best friend. I don't know, I just never really liked going to people with problems. I was raised with this idea that "you don't bother people", so telling people my problems is not always easy. I HATE not "being ok" because I know Im easy to read, I know my friends will see it and worry. But you know what...it's ok. God says to carry each other's burdens.

This is something that I have to get used to, sharing my problems with the godly people in my life that can HELP me is ok. Maybe you are like me and you just don't like to see others around you worry but God has put those people in your life to shine his light upon you. Let them help you! It's not easy, I know for me it's not easy but carrying each other's burdens is a privilege we take for granted sometimes. Relationships get refined through fired :)

Well this was a short post but I just wanted to get that out of my chest. Remember God loves you to the moon and back and three times as much as that. Smile!!

On Fire

Since I didn't get all churchy on my last post (and I could have!) I decided to write about something very spiritual that has been on my mind lately.

During the Olympics opening ceremony they always light up the Olympic torch. This time in London they did something I had never seen before and it got me thinking. They had 7 young athletes light 7 cauldrons, these seven would then light up all 250 of them that would then be raised up to form a beautiful, powerful fire that was kept alive for 17 days straight. It interested me that they chose young athletes to do this, they could have chosen anyone, more recognized athletes or former retired athletes, but no, they chose the new generation to light up the fire. I come from a generation where God is not a daily thing, in fact God is a forgotten thing, it only took 7 athletes to light up 250 cauldrons, it might take only one YOUNG person to light a fire for God in many other people. Being young doesn't mean we are at a disadvantage, on the contrary it means that we have the power to impact people more. Most unsaved people see teenagers all the same because our generation has given them the right to see us that way, you could be the one that makes a difference, you could be the one that God chose to light a fire. These athletes were already carrying their fire, as a christian, you have to carry your fire and make sure it stays alive. DON'T LET IT DIE DOWN!!!
Don't let your passion for God die because of the things around you, the problems, the people, the sin. God works for the good of those who love him (Romans 8:28), good things are bound to come your way if you work for the kingdom of God, it's a reality. Do you really think he'll forget about the good that you do? Have courage when God calls you to share his love with someone, to light a fire in someone, he is with you all.the.time!!!!

A fire is kept alive by adding some form of fuel to it. Yesterday I really felt overwhelmed because I realized I haven't been fueling my fire for God, I haven't been reading my bible or remembering my verses or praying as often as I used to and I felt guilty and scared, I don't want my fire to die! This reminded me that my fire is alive and healthy, my passion is there and my faith is alive, but it could diminish if I don't fuel it, my passion could go away if I don't keep seeking God. If I don't pray or read or remember God at least once a day everyday, I will eventually forget about him and that's a place where I WON'T allow myself to go. I HAVE to constantly seek God in order to keep my fire alive because I want to see more kids like me be on fire for him, God chose a 19 year old to light the fire inside of me, to inspire me to accept Christ and be crazy about God, maybe tomorrow my fire could inspire someone else. It's all for His glory!

After all 250 cauldrons were lit I pondered, how sad would that fire look if only one cauldron would have gone up? And even worse, what if by the end of the games all the cauldrons would have gone off? I started thinking about the youth around me. I am surrounded by teenagers who love God and I love encouraging them, I love to tell people that God is AMAZING and that they should read their bibles, or sometimes I share bible verses with them. I believe that one of my many jobs in life is to encourage Christian youth to be crazy passionate about God, think about the 250 cauldrons and the picture I put up, doesn't that fire look beautiful? It is BRIGHT! And fierce!! A group of kids ON FIRE for God can do amazing things for the kingdom! If you know your fire is going steady then help the people around you go steady as well. Jesus doesn't call us only to go out and light fires (make disciples), he also calls us to keep each other accountable. You can't let your fire die but you also can't let the fire die in the people around you that's why I beg you, PLEASE PRAY for your fellowship! Help them fuel the fire in every way but if it doesn't work let God take care of it, he knows their hearts.

I AM ON FIRE FOR GOD and I encourage you to feed and fuel your fire (as I also know I have to fuel mine). My passion for God is the greatest passion I have ever had because I know I'm being passionate about something that matters, something that is real, I am passionate about God because I know he is crazy about me, he loves me more than I could ever love him and that is why I CAN'T let my fire for him die, because no matter what I do I know.....he is on fire for me too :)

Well here's a funny thought......dating!

Don't ask why cause I don't even know but this has been a theme in my life lately. I've been talking to several friends about dating. It's not an easy topic because I am a teenage girl but it's a topic that I like to discuss because it's normal. I think teenagers SHOULD talk about dating because the more taboo we make it, the less we'll get it, the less we'll understand it.

Now here are my views on dating and if you are a teenage girl, PLEASE consider some of these things, please!!

First of all, DON'T EVER DATE SOMEONE YOU WOULD NOT MARRY!! What I mean by this is, don't date someone that doesn't have the qualities you see in your future husband or wife. That right there is so huge because most teenagers date just to date. Girls date because they want, they NEED someone to tell them they are beautiful and they don't want to be the only one of her friends without a boyfriend, most guys date because they are guys and they have hormones. I feel that most teenagers date simply because that's what everyone else is doing. DON'T, just don't date for that reason. Don't date just any guy or girl you like, just because you like a person it does not mean you should date them. Be very selective and whatever you do, don't just date someone because of their looks, those come and go, date someone because you adore their heart and who they are.

Second of all, girls, until you realize that you are beautiful you are always going to need a boy there to tell you that and it's going to destroy you because you won't always have that. You need to recognize your own beauty. Beauty is not a size 0 with light eyes and beautiful hair, beauty is whatever YOU think it is! Yes it does lie in the eye of the beholder so don't let the world tell you whether you are or aren't beautiful. Other people can see it, why can't you? Why do you believe the lies people feed you? YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!! And you DON'T need a guy to make you happy, when God made you he didn't make a two for one package, "I'll give you this girl and I'll throw in this guy too, for free!!". No, God doesn't make market deals like those. He brought you into this world without a boy next to you, what makes you think you need one now? If you really feel like you need a boy to tell you that you are beautiful, God says it in the bible SEVERAL times! TRUST HIM!!

Guys, don't let your hormones get the best of you, yeah some girls like players but princesses will always wait for their prince. You want a girl that completely blows your mind? Fine, then build yourself up so that you can be even more amazing to her than she is to you. Don't go around telling sweet words to every girl you have feelings for and please make sure that what you feel is not lust. If you like a girl make sure it's not just her looks that draw you to her.

In my opinion, you don't need to date someone to show them you care for them. Honestly. In fact, I think the best way to show someone your love and appreciation for them is NOT to date them, get to know them extremely well first, get to know their views on dating, their dreams, their needs, know this person really well before you even consider the idea of maybe dating them someday. Get to know this person but guard your heart, even though you should be honest with this guy or girl don't be TOO honest where you are telling them everything about everything in your life, only your husband or wife is entitled to that.

Now I'm almost an adult and I still haven't had my first kiss. In jr high this kind of made me feel ashamed because all of my friends were getting their first kiss and I wanted that so badly! Now as a senior in high school I feel SO HAPPY that I haven't kissed anyone. I had one boyfriend and I never kissed him, I wasn't planning on kissing him until later in our relationship. We ended up breaking up after 3 weeks so that never happened (thank God!) but my point is that ever since I can remember I've never wanted to rush the whole kissing thing and now I'm glad I didn't because I really really really want to give that to my husband. You may think it's old fashioned but just think for a second, if you knew who your future spouse was and you saw him or her kissing someone else, how would you feel? I don't want to be kissing just any guy I date. That's giving a part of myself to just random guys. They may be special guys but they are not THE special guy (my future husband). If you ask me I think you shouldn't kiss every guy you date, in fact you should only kiss your future husband.

If the kissing thing is extreme, imagine how I feel about sex. Every person should stay pure until marriage, I believe I discussed it in my purity post so I'm not gonna go into much detail but I can't fathom the idea of being with more than one partner, I just can't. I can't imagine myself being loved like that by more than one guy. And if you are a teenager, you have no business having sex, don't sleep around with whoever you are dating, it's ridiculous! What's the point? Please help me understand what's the point? What's the point of giving a part of yourself to someone who you don't know as well as you think. You never stop knowing a person, specially not teenagers, we grow and change constantly, do you really think you TOTALLY know someone who is still changing? Who is still discovering him/herself?

Yes I like someone. I like this boy because it takes him a second to make me smile, everytime we are together I can never stop smiling. No boy has ever looked at me the way he does. He loves God more than anything in his life and he has a crazy passion for Him. He is the most handsome guy in the entire world according to me and everytime he hugs me I feel safe. He treats me like a princess and he protects me even when I don't want to be protected. He is WILLING to follow God's will and thats all I could ask of him. He loves God more than he loves me and that's the best thing about him. No we are not dating and I don't think we are going to date for a while because we both have A LOT of spiritual growing to do. I need to fall in love with God before I can fall in love with a man, especially with this boy. I'm not saying don't date, I'm saying be careful, don't go around dating just anyone and have your lines very well drawn and defined before you date because the person you are dating might now want the same things you want when it comes to a relationship. As for me, I pray that God guides me because I want to date only one guy, my future husband.
 

Do not conform

Yesterday I had an amazing day at church and then later on with my friends. One of the many reasons why my day was amazing was because of a "little thing" that a woman at church did for me and my 3 other friends.

She had told us she needed to talk to us after church and sure enough, after the sermon was over she pulled us aside and said to us: "I see in you four godly women who are seeking God and I have seen many girls that look like they want to live a godly life and then they don't and it hurts me and I want to tell you that you never, EVER have to do what this world tells you. You NEVER have to conform...." At this point she was crying and overwhelmed with emotion which made me tear up. This meant so much to me, this woman is extremely special to me, she is my youth leader, my friend, my support when I need it, I mean she is overall amazing in my eyes, the fact that God chose HER to deliver these words to me.....wow, well played God :) I was able to control my tears during her talk but after she was done I couldn't help it, I broke down, I was so thankful and so happy.

She wanted to encourage us to never ever conform to this world and the whole time she was talking I was remembering Romans 12:2 "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will." This verse is one of my favorite bible verses and I try to use it in my life as much as possible, as a non believer I would conform to this world all the time, I didn't care about God's will, it was always me the one "in control", I had to know what was going to be MY next action, MY next step. My life was planned: go to college, be a lawyer, don't have kids, maybe get married, make sure I succeed in life (a.k.a have money) and that's it. I never even thought "maybe God has something different in mind", no, God was there but I never included him in my life. And now it's different, now I REFUSE to conform to this world, to the idea that humans have control of what can happen next, to the idea that my life will go exactly the way I want it to go because I planned it. Heck, to the idea that I can plan my life!! No way.

Now I live my life the way Christ wants me to live it, I make plans but I always pray it's in God's will, when I talk to him I tell him "if it's not in your will, give me the strength to do what YOU want me to do, I want to follow you and you only". I will forever remember her words, remember the look I saw in her eyes, she was full of love and pain, the thought that in a few years these four girls won't be the godly women she sees today was causing her pain but the love she feels for us was overtaking that. Don't EVER conform to this world, God is so much greater than that, follow him and love him no matter what people say, because when you look up you want to make sure God looks down and smiles. We care about making people proud of us, we like it when people are proud of us, then make the God of EVERYTHING proud! Make the person who loves you the most proud and conform to Him and to His will ONLY!!!!!

I live in a family, in an environment, that begs me to conform, that temps me to stop being on fire for God, to stop being a "church girl" or a "Jesus freak" and trust me, it's really hard, but I'm NEVER going to conform, I know God is with me and I know he can help me be strong. I will never give in to their words, I ignored God's will for 16 years of my life, never again will I give that much of my life to this world. I want to make God happy and I also want to erase that pain from this woman's eyes and show her that these four girls are just getting started, that we will keep each other accountable and that we are willing to let God use us in whichever way he wants.

Thank you God for using such an amazing woman to impact my life the way she has. You have blessed me so much and her love for me is one of those huge blessings you've given me. I love you so much!!!


"I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile" Romans 1:16

The Little Things: Part 2!

Well when I first wrote The Little Things I didn't mean to make it a two part thing or a three part thing but God keeps spoiling me with blessings so I just have to blog about this. I LOVE the little things!! I love love love the little blessings because I am a little person, I'm a short girl and because of my height I've had people underestimate my abilities a lot of times, I think some people underestimate the power of the little things and my purpose with this post is to help people appreciate those things.
Ok so here are some of my little blessings. There's a mom from my church that I'm really close to and I'm super close to her kids, this woman is such a godly woman and such a great influence in my life! She does so many little things for me, she has me over at her house almost every week and she gives me amazing advice on relationships, motherhood and marriage. Talking about boys with her is so much fun! :) She'll text me to make sure I'm ok and prays for me a lot. I love this lady so much!! She treats me like a daughter and I call her "mom" a lot. Today I wasn't feeling my best, I just felt overwhelmed and down for no reason but God knew exactly what I needed. I was watching the Olympics (go figure) when I got a call from this lady, her 3 year old called me just to say hi to me. I LOVE that little girl so much!!! She is seriously my little sister. Wow, I teared up while I was talking to her. This meant soooooo much to me! The joy that a child can bring to someone is absolutely incredible. That moment made my entire day, and it was like a 30 second call!! Thanks God, you keep amazing me more and more.
There's another mom that I'm also close to, she is one of my small group leaders in my youth group and has become one of my best friends. Now the Olympics are going on and I am OBSESSED! I didn't know she was a fan too. Everyday she'll text me and we'll be texting in the middle of screaming and dying with these matches (seriously, these athletes KILL MY NERVES!!!) and it is so much fun for me to have someone there to share this excitement with me because my siblings don't get into it like I do. Two days ago it was already midnight and I got a text from her saying the sweetest thing in the world! She just wanted to let me know how much joy I bring to her heart. See that little text was a full demonstration of God's HUGE love for me. It was so great to read that! Such a little thing meant the world to me. I tried to tell her how much I loved that text but I don't think words could describe what that meant to me.
Another leader from another small group that I go to also did something super cool for me. I was supposed to go on a trip that didn't work out in the end (remember the big prayer I talked about in 'Say what God'? TA DA!!) and this was a trip that she had gone to in her high school years, in fact she did the job that I was supposed to do so she's very familiar with the type of work that goes into it. So for everyday I was supposed to serve she made me a card with a verse or a good quote from a song or anything encouraging just to give me strength to keep it going and to focus on God and on my work for his glory. Now everyday I open a new card and everyday God keeps speaking to me and they've all managed to put a smile on my face. She keeps reminding me that she loves me and that God loves me. It's so cool!!! Maybe I didn't go on the trip but this is something I can apply to my everyday ministry that I have with my family, they need me more than they know. See it's those little acts of kindness that just blow my mind! It's those little things that remind me that God is great :) That God is extremely loving and caring!! :)
Ever hear that saying "less is more"?? Well in this case it's so true!!! Sometimes little things do more than great things could ever do, they could impact someone way more than the great things we like to do for people.
I love receiving little things but I also LOVE giving little things :) It shows God's love! It shows Christ's greatness. Maybe it's hard and maybe for you it's not easy but it's not about easy or hard or impossible, it's about love, it's about shining God's light, it's about being who we were made to be.....a light. Showing love is showing glory, God's glory.

THE FAB FIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yesterday we saw these 5 girls do something that hasn't been done since 1996. We watched as they won a gold medal for the United States. In 1996, a team composed of Shannonn Miller, Dominique Moceanu, Dominique Dawes, Kerri Strug, Amy Chow, Amanda Borden, and Jaycie Phelps was named the Magnificent Seven as they won the gold medal for the United States smashing the Russians who had won gold in the team finals ever since the 1950s. Yesterday McKayla Marroney, Kyla Ross, Aly Raisman, Gabby Douglas and Jordyn Weiber repeated history as they won the gold over the Russians and the Romanians. I have so much admiration for these girls, they made me tear up as I watched them celebrate after Aly finished her floor routine. Wow, congratulations Fab Five, you are AMAZING!!!!!!! THANK YOU FOR WINNING GOLD!!! THESE GIRLS ROCK!!!!!

I HATE that stupid bug!!!

Bugs. They are not my favorite creatures in the world but they are ok I guess. But there's one bug that really irks me, that really really bothers me. The jealousy bug. Grrrrrr it makes me mad!!!

That stupid green creature (yes, I like to think it's green) has been bugging me my whole life! Here's something you should know about me, one of my biggest flaws is that I am an envious and jealous person. Honestly, ever since I can remember I've been this way, just always looking at what others have and wanting that. For some reason jealousy comes natural in me and I have to fight it. Apparently this stupid bug doesn't wanna die! It has been holding on to me for almost 18 years now but I've found the antidote to this burden. Meet my friend God :)

Ok I'm going to tell you about this girl, she's one of my closest friends, pretty much a sister and she's like the best person I've ever met. Her heart is constantly seeking God and she's constantly doing nice things for people and making people happy and it's amazing to see her development and growth as a godly young lady. This girl and I share everything, we talk everyday and we always tell each other about the random cool stuff that happens in our life. Now this girl is so kind and everyone sees that, she's so amazing and people notice that and recognize her for that and that's when jealousy starts to bite me. Confession numero dos of this post is that I'm a spotlight stealer, an attention seeker, it's an old habit from my childhood that I'm also trying to get rid of. Now this combination of jealousy and attention seeking is not good for me because it makes me dislike my best friend. "Well how come she gets all the attention??" Have you ever felt that way?? Ever feel jealous of a friend or a sibling? Well welcome to my life! lol. Literally. Until a couple of months ago I didn't know how to deal with my jealousy, I just shoved it aside or I would hide it or whatever, and then I finally figured out how to control this virus.

The best part about this girl is that she's so nice and I love her soooooo much that I can't help but to feel happiness for her and for everything good that happens to her. The only reason why I can do that is because of God.

I have this virus, this bug that is holding on to my skin for dear life, it feeds off my flesh and it seeks to devour my soul, it's called jealousy. But like any virus, it can be controlled, it's still in my system, it's not dead and it will never die but there's medications to help me control it. God is my medication for this virus. A part of this medication is love, I think about the people that I'm jealous of sometimes and I instantly change my thoughts and try to find a reason for me to love them, the number one reason that comes to me head is "well Christ died on the cross for them, he loved them that much, who I'm I to deny them my love??", then other reasons pop up and all of a sudden the virus is under control. When I think about God's love for them....wow, it helps a lot. Think about it, all this good stuff that's happening to them is because God wants it that way, God knows what each person needs and he knows very well that the last thing I need is attention. lol. He is constantly teaching me things and my number one lesson to learn here is that I don't NEED attention, it is not a necessity in my life.

My second ingredient to this medication is kindness. This girl is amazing and this bug comes up all the time when I'm talking to her, this reoccurring appearance reminds me that I need to be a kinder person. Ever get jealous of someone who has less than you? Cause I sure don't. Now Christ was as kind as kind can get, if dying on a cross to save a bunch of non deserving brats doesn't scream kindness to you then I don't know what does. haha. But seriously, getting jealous only reveals my lack of kindness towards people because I am not having a "pleasant disposition" towards the situation. I am called to pursue godliness and one of the ways to that is by being kind.

And finally we have humility. Now this one is probably the one I struggle with the most because being humble is one of those lessons that God has been trying to teach me my whole life and I've just been missing it COMPLETELY!! Kind of like trigonometry. lol. But it takes a humble heart to recognize its own faults and now I can admit my jealousy to myself. When I was a child my mother was the one calling me out on it all the time and I always told her she was wrong, that I wasn't jealous and I would push it aside but that bug kept holding on to me. Now a days I look at the situation and I can recognize when that bug is biting and I choose to feel the bite, to take it, to deal with the pain of it but I also choose to fight it.

God has given me this amazing friendship with this girl and it is such a godly friendship, such an spiritual upliftment but my favorite part of this friendship is that it helps me control this virus. Let me tell you how, God uses her as a great, shiny light to people (including me), this stupid bug apparently doesn't like that light so it starts biting me but I, being the intelligent child of God that I am, can feel the virus coming so I use the tools that God has given me to fight it. Fighting my jealousy means fighting my sin, winning a battle against my sin means winning a battle against the devil because he wants me to give in to jealousy, he knows that that can make me bitter and it can consume me to the point where I will question God's choices for my life. When you have a cold the first thing you do is deal with it, you take some medicine, take a bath, do whatever it is you have to do to make it go away. That's the same reaction I have to my jealousy, I do whatever it is I have to do to make sure that I'll be all better again soon.

If you are a fellow carrier of this virus then I hope this can help you, I hope you recognize that it's there because it's the first step to healing. If you are not then I hope you can find your own virus, because whether it is jealousy or bitterness or lust or pride or whatever the ONE thing that they have in common is that they share the same antidote: GOD!!!

I Will Not Shut Up!!

In case you haven't noticed I'm a pretty strong opinionated girl and I have a strong christian faith, put these two together and it is a recipe for disaster, or greatness, whichever way God wants to use it. lol. If it is for greatness I'll tell you this, it's for His glory.

Now what inspired this post was a conversation (or rather an argument) that I had with my siblings a couple of days ago. In my household, I'm the only strong christian, my brother is saved but he's just starting in the faith and my other 2 siblings and my parents are catholic but they are not strong catholics. Now God is gracious and every once in a while he'll open little windows for me to talk about the gospel with my family. A couple of nights ago my siblings and I were all sitting in the kitchen and for some reason we got to the topic of religion, now I LOVE talking about the bible and God. I love it! I can do it 24/7 and my siblings are very aware of that because I do it all the time.

My siblings kept making arguments and arguments but it all came down to this: Please shut up. Just shut up. Just don't talk to us about that stuff, don't go out and evangelize people! See in their heads no one wants to hear that, and I get it, they are probably right because before I was saved I also didn't want to hear that. God has become such a "whatever" in our society that it's easier to go with the flow than to "bother" people with our beliefs. Now my sister kept telling me "it's just rude to go up to someone and tell them they are wrong because in their religion they are right and you are just disrespecting their beliefs. You people are rude and you don't respect what others think, you think you are right". Now let me break that down, first of all it's only rude if we don't approach it with love. Christians are supposed to evangelize but the key ingredient in that is L.O.V.E. It is because of love that Christ died, it is because of love that we share the gospel with people. Yes they are wrong! Excuse me but I'm the type of person that accepts when I'm wrong and I do my best to change it. Not every religion can be right and the reality is that Christianity is the reality. How do I know? The same way you know when you love a special person, my heart tells me. Cheesy huh? But think about it, you are sure you love someone, oh really? How?

I can feel God in my heart, the same way you feel that you love someone I feel God. I know Christ IS real because my heart recognizes it. Love and faith go hand in hand and I think that the moment someone proves to me that love doesn't exist, that's when I will say "Ok. God doesn't exist" because God IS love!! No I'm not disrespecting their believes, I'm trying to help them see reality and trust me, I do my best to be very subtle about things.

My siblings are begin me to stop evangelizing inside my house, to not tell them about the bible or relate verses to life but I will not do that. I know that the devil is trying to bring me down, if I do that he wins this battle and that's a pleasure I will NOT give him. The whole theme of the summer between me and God has been BE STRONG. I have no idea why but he keeps doing these little things and giving me these little challenges to build me up and he has sent me a couple of verses about staying strong (1 Corinthians 13:15, Joshua 1:9, 2 Samuel 10:12, Philippians 4:13) and about being strong in Him. I don't know why but I can tell you I have my guard up and my armor ready (Ephesians 6) because something is coming and this spiritual war is not getting any easier anytime soon. I love the gospel and the one thing I love about the gospel is that it got to me, that someway somehow the truth came to me and I was able to grasp it and embrace it. How can I shut up about the one thing that made me who I am today??

No. I will not apologize for being loud and proud about my faith and our God and the gospel. With some help, I've come to realize that my family needs me so much! God needs me inside my household because I'm the only person that can shine light on them. My gosh, every time I talk to my siblings I see how much they need God. I love these kids to death and I wish they would realize how amazing God is, they've had bad experiences with Christians so they let that get in the way of their relationship with God. I pray for their salvation all the time and I wish we would have had better experiences with christians but that's not possible, therefore my job is to show them what a christian is really like. To lead by example. To cover myself in God's truth and love so that they may see His great work, the great work He has done in me.

I won't stop telling people about God. Ever. He's telling me to be strong but he's also telling me to be brave, I'm going to need those two qualities if I want to do my job right. My job is to present the information about the gospel, to plant those seeds in the hearts of people, the Holy Spirit takes care of the rest.

I've been thinking a lot about the Olympics and the determination of these athletes, the commitment, and it makes me think. Committing to something like a sport is ok but committing to my religion is not? Well society, aren't you confusing? haha. I'm not an olympian but I am a warrior, man I wish I could be as determined as those guys. I want to seek God like they want to win that gold medal. I want to be that awesome warrior that always stands out in a movie? Ever seen the Lord of the Rings? Ever seen Aragorn? Dude is boss! Well that's how I want to be, I want to fight this spiritual war and win it for God's glory, in His name, and I know he's right next to me all the time!!

If you are NOT saved then I want to ask you a couple of questions: Can YOU handle the truth? What do YOU think of Christ?? Not religion, not christians, CHRIST!! Yeah I know you don't want to hear the gospel, but this isn't about what you want, it's about what you NEED!! Who says I want to take math next year? I hate math!! But this isn't about what I want, it's about what I need, I need that math credit to graduate, if I choose not to take it I won't graduate. You NEED the gospel, if you choose not to grasp it you are choosing eternal suffering. I don't want that for you!! Don't forget I wasn't always saved, I was once in your spot. That's why I want to share the gospel, because it's scary to think that....I could still be in your spot. Thank God I'm not. Thank God I'm free to share the gospel.

I will not shut up, not unless God tells me to and in all honesty, I don't see him doing that anytime soon :)

The Summer Olympics

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW EXCITED I AM?!?!?!?! AHHHHHHHH I LOVE THE OLYMPICS!!!!! Let's get something straight, for the next 2 weeks of my life I will probably sit in front of my tv watching NBC every second of the day becuase the Olympics are just too good and for many reasons that I am called to highlight.

1. Countries. These athletes go there to represent their countries and their love for their countries. That's just amazing, like as much as they want a gold medal for themselves they also want to give credit to their countries.
2. Odds. Some athletes have every odd against them, do they care? NO! They go anyway!! They don't give up in the middle of training, they don't give up in the middle of a race, they keep going and they finish the race. They don't look at the odds, they look past that, they see the slight light of triumph and they hold on to that hope. You think winning makes an olympian? I think fighting makes an olympian. They fight the odds, sometimes they win and sometimes they loose but they stay to fight them anyways. That's how I want to be, I want to fight all the odds against me because I know I have God and he doesn't care about odds, he cares about me.
3. Training. Now some people don't see why the Olympics are so great and they don't think it's big deal and take it as any other competition but it's not like that. Athletes train every day for 4 years to compete for 2 weeks. Is that crazy or what?! How many of us are THAT committed to anything?? They finish one Olympics and start training for the next and it's hard. The training that each person does is different but they all have one thing in common, it's challenging. These people strive to get stronger and better and faster and in order to do that they have to challenge themselves. They know what they are getting themselves into, they know it's going to hurt and it's going to be exhausting but they do it anyways because to them this is worth it, it is a life dream. It reminds me of being a christian. The bible tells us that yes, we will face persecution and yes, it will be hard to be a christian sometimes but we know it's worth it. We know Christ is that gold medal we want so eagerly. Should we give up in our training? Should we tell God to not send us hardship? That doesn't make us stronger! It enables us, if an athlete is not ready to be in the Olympics he or she gets cut off, if you are not ready to face your life situations you will not be able to know how to deal with it. Don't feel sorry for yourself and your situation, embrace it. It's meant to strengthen you, not weaken you.
4. Events. I LOVE watching the athletes compete!! Love it love it love it! It's just so exciting and nerve wracking sometimes. haha. But seriously, I get to sit here and enjoy it, those athletes and enjoying it but for them it means a dream, a goal, a lifetime determination. My two favorite events would have to be Women's gymnastics and Swimming (both men and women) because I think to myself "I could NEVER do that". Honestly, with all the training in the world I could never be as determined as the athletes. These events remind me that in life you have different people and these people were made to face different trials and God knows exactly what person was made for what. In gymnastics you have 4 events: high beam, floor, bars and vault. All girls compete every event but a good coach will know which girl is the one that will excel at a certain event, which girl will win bars or floor or whatever. God is just like that, he knows what person can carry what load, he doesn't expect everyone to be able to handle the same things because he knows how different we are.
5. The athletes. Wow, if you don't have a hint of admiration for these people there is something wrong with you, seriously. These people train an entire lifetime. They work hard and they make sacrifices because they want to win a gold medal, they want to be successful in this and they want to compete. I don't care how nice or not nice they are, these people are hardcore and they deserve respect. Some of them are more inspiring than others, Mary Lou Retton, Lindsay Vaughn (winter olympian, I know I know, still great though), Apolo Ohno (winter), Nadia (classic), Nastia Liukin, Usain Bolt, all big names of people that if you hear their testimonies you'll be pretty inspired. For some kids these are their heroes, these are the people they strive to be like because they want that drive, that determination that they had because they too want a gold medal. I would love to make a christian connection to this but I want to leave it at that because I want you to really appreciate these people. 

Yeah that sums up pretty much everything. I love the Olympics because of these reasons :) Well and also because they happen every four years, I HAVE to enjoy them while I can! As I wrote this post I was watching men's cycling, not that easy. Please turn on your tv and watch the Olympics, who knows what kind of inspiration you'll get from there :)

Les Miserables: Jean Valjean - Part 1

Ok so I decided to do a kind of series of posts on Les Miserables, the musical, because I am marveled by it and because I see a lot of Christianity in it. The original story comes from a novel written by Victor Hugo and I want to read it sooooo badly!!! To give you a little bit of background it is based on how life was during the French Revolution in France. Here are some big characters you need to know:

Jean Valjean (24601)
Fantine
Javert
Marcus
Cosette
Eponine
Enjolras
Monsieur Thenardier and Madam Thenardier 

My goal is to post about each and everyone of these characters but we'll see.

With this post I'm going to explain the story of Jean Valjean. He is an ex convict who went to jail for 5 years simply because he stole a loaf of bread to feed his sister's dying and starving child and to feed the rest of his starving family. He tried to run from jail and got caught so they gave him another 14 years. In total he spent 19 years in jail. While he was in jail they gave him a number, he was prisoner 24601.

After the 19 years he is finally free to go on parole. While on his parole he tries to go back to being a good citizen but no one wants to hire a con and people treat him as if he was less than dirt. One day, he receives some kindness from a bishop who allows him to stay the night in the church. This is where I get my first little splash of christianity. In the song the bishop tells Valjean: "There is vine here to revive you, there is bread to make you strong" That's exactly what Christ is, his blood is the wine that gives us a new life, that frees us from suffering in hell if we just choose to believe in him, his body is the bread that makes us strong when our flesh is weak, when we can't go on.

 In the middle of the night Valjean steals some silver and runs, after stealing the silver he is caught by the police. The police brings him back to the bishop, Valjean lies to the police and tells them that the silver was a present from the bishop, when the police asks the bishop about it he does something unexpected, he tells them they are correct and in fact he gives Valjean two silver chandeliers. They let him go and the bishop tells Valjean to use this silver to become a good man. This really gets to him, this really touches his heart and it shakes something in him, this guy was the first person to show him kindness in a very long time and the first person to give him a second chance. This reminds me of my relationship with Christ, how many time have I not cheated him and yet his grace is sufficient, I mess up and mess up and he forgives me, he forgave me a long time ago for every time I mess up! Don't ever judge a person based on their mistakes, instead show them that they can do better, you could be saving their life.

Jean Valjean breaks his parole and starts a new life. He becomes the mayor of a city and he has thousands of workers who depend in him. However, Inspector Javert has been after Javert ever since he broke his parole and is determined to put him in jail again. One day Valjean meets Fantine at one of his factories and she is forced to leave the factory after being involved in a brawl with another woman. Fantine is a sick, poor woman who goes through hardships in order to feed her child Cosette who lives under the protection of the Thenardiers. One of those hardships is prostitution, after being fired from Valjean's factory she is forced to sell her hair and 2 front teeth to send money for Cosette, she then becomes a prostitute. One day she refuses to be with a costumer and he gets violent with her so she hits him back, Javert gets there ready to arrest Fantine but Valjean saves the day. He tells the police to take her to the hospital, he recognizes that this happened because of him, had he not fired her she wouldn't have been forced to loose her dignity.

In the middle of Fantine's arrest Valjean is confused, he recognizes her face but he doesn't see how she could have ended in a place like a prostitute bar. She tells him it was his fault, he allowed her to be fired when she had done nothing wrong. Valjean is a noble character, he shows that kindness is not lost on anyone, one day someone showed kindness to him and he now shows kindness to others. He wants to help Fantine, he sees she needs help and at the same time he feels guilty. Do you know how strong he is? I mean to recognize that he was wrong and that because of him this woman suffered a lot is pretty bold. While Fantine is in the hospital she is under his protection.

Javert discovers that the mayor is prisoner 24601, or Jean Valjean, because one day a man is stuck under a wagon and Valjean helps him get out, he is still strong for his age and Javert knows that Valjean is strong and nobel. Fantine dies in the hospital but before her death Valjean promises to rescue Cosette and raise her as his child. Javert confronts Valjean but this one escapes and is able to pay for Cosette and raise the girl under good conditions. However he is forced to stay hidden from Javert.

I'm going to leave it at this for now and I'll continue his story later but Jean Valjean is one of my favorite characters because he is always looking for the good of others, he is always looking to serve others. After that night with the bishop he learned his lesson and changed, that's how all of us should be. We should be able to change after we give our heart to Christ, yeah it's not easy but it's what we are called to do, it's what we are meant to do. Valjean becomes a rich man but his heart is still soft for the hardships of others, he went to jail for stealing bread to save someone else's life and the world ALMOST hardened his heart, the bitterness almost consumed him but Christ rescued him!

 I mean do you get it?? Do you get how each and every single one of us has a little bit of Jean Valjean in us? We are prisoners of this worldly views on things like love, sex, friendship, compassion, life overall and when Christ wants to free us from that we don't listen!! But he gives us countless of chances until we change. Valjean was a prisoner of the law and an outcast and this priest gave him a chance, he gave him hope. Christ gives us new life, he gives us the chance to break our parole and renew our mind (2 Corinthians 5:17 and Romans 12:2), to live a new life by his side, IT IS OUR CHOICE WHETHER OR NOT WE TAKE IT! This world can make your heart hard and bitter, Christ can change that :)

Valjean is an amazing character and I can't wait to get to Part 2 of this :) I hope you liked it!!

WARNING!!

Ok my dear readers, beware, my next few posts will be pretty lengthy so watch out! They are based on things that I like so I kinda have a lot to say and explain so yeah....get ready to read a lot!

Now that's Love!

Ok so I'm sure you've all heard about the Colorado shooting by now but in case you haven't I'll tell you. In Aurora, Colorado, this guy went to the opening night of The Dark Night and he threw gas all over the theater and opened fire. A couple of people died and a lot of people were injured. Now Im going to request that you keep all these people in your prayers, including James Holmes (the shooter).

The reason why I decided to write this is because my friend and I have been following this case and her mom texted me and told me that 3 guys in the theater died protecting their girlfriends. Holy cow I think my jaw dropped when I read that. Wow. Ok in the bible Jesus says "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." (John 15:13) Giving your life up for someone is the greatest demonstration of love you can give. Now take these boys, they were not married to this girls, they were just their boyfriends but they gave up their lives so that the women that they loved and cherished so much could live longer.

I don't even know how to process that. Yeah they are heroes!! I see that and it makes me think about my future boyfriend. He has to be like one of these boys, he has to look at me and think "this is my future wife" and have no doubts about it. He has to be willing to fight for me if he has to, to love me to the point of risking his life for mine. Now you may be thinking "girl you are crazy! No guy is gonna do that!!" Really?? Cause 3 guys did, and not only did they put their lives at risk for their girlfriends, they gave it up. I hope to God those boys are in heaven because I would love to meet them someday. Girls don't just settle for anyone, don't marry the guy that you love most, marry the guy that loves you the most. Marry the guy that is ready to treat you as a princess even before you start dating.

As for me you can be certain of one thing, I want to date one guy and one guy only, my husband. I pray to God almost daily that he shows me who the right guy is because I want to give myself completely to my husband, I want him to know that I was saving all of me for him, all of my love was for him. My boyfriend/future husband has to know me well enough to realize that asking me out is saying "marry me someday". Look at these three boys, they gave up their lives for 3 girls that they loved, they respected them and they adored them enough to do this. Girls don't you dare say that chivalry is dead, don't you dare say "all guys are the same" because they are not. Trust me.

I cannot tell you how proud I am of those boys and how deeply I wish for my partner to resemble them but I also have to do my job. As girls we also have to love our boys deeply, to honor them and encourage them, to look at them and think "God, I have one life to live, please let me share it with him", we have to act like the princesses we are. I pray for those three girls and that they may find comfort and love and hopefully Christ.

That was an amazing declaration of love. Please if you are a guy and you have a girl that you are thinking of marrying someday, go and do something random for her that will show her how much you love her. Cherish her smile and then look her in the eye and think "you are my future wife".

My Mighty Fortress

Ok before you read this you MUST listen to this song:

A Mighty Fortress

This song inspired this post. Like, ok continuing from last night's post things have been crazy these past few days but I listen to this song and I remember why I love my life :)

The lyrics of this song are just absolutely mind blowing! God's kingdom IS unshakable!! I am part of that kingdom therefore my faith should be unshakable too. Like Christ is sitting on the throne holding my heart in his hands and there is nothing that will bring him down from that throne, there is nothing that will keep Christ from my heart and my love. NOTHING!! My faith HAS to be unshakable, it has to be strong. When things get hard I will go to God.

Our God is a consuming fire
A burning holy flame, with glory and freedom
Our God is the only righteous judge,
Ruling over us with kindness and wisdom

Wow...that really gets to me. Like if there was any song that I would dedicate to God it would be this one because it reminds me of who holds my life. He is glorious and loving and he's passionate about ME! God is crazy about me!! He loves me more than I can possibly comprehend. He is the only judge, and he rules but he is a kind and loving ruler, and the best part about him is that he is wise, he knows exactly what he's doing! There's no such thing as "I made a mistake" in God's power.

God loves us and fights for us. Christ died for us. Is it just me or is this crazy?? Like the person who created EVERYTHING is fighting for me and is willing to let his only son die in my place so that I can have life ETERNALLY!! Yeah my God is jealous for me, he wants me to love him just like he loves me, can you blame him for that? Don't you want people that you love to love you back? He calls me his bride, if I was getting married I would want my groom to love me too! GOD LOVES YOU! HE LOVES YOU SO STINKING MUCH!!!

Yeah God is a mighty fortress and he is MY mighty fortress. I will take refuge in him during any storm because he is the only refuge I didn't create, the only refuge that will not fail. Sometimes as humans we take refuge in the people around us, friends, family, lovers, and that's not a bad thing, but these are imperfect fortresses because humans are imperfect and we are bound to fail. God is the only perfect refuge! You can still go to the people around you but don't ever put them above God, go to God first! Always always always seek him first, seek his fortress above anyone else' and he will place the right people around you to keep you strong.

My heart is set on him, my eyes are fixed on him and although it is hard sometimes I will not stop because He didn't stop Christ from suffering and dying for me.

Wow God, you inspire me so much!! I love you!!

Our God is exalted on His throne
High above the heavens
Forever He's worthy...

Say what God?

AHHHHHHHH!!!!! THERE'S SO MUCH GOING ON! Ok this past week has just been so full of emotional ups and downs that I am just tired. Part of me having this blog is that I get to vent about the stuff that's upsetting me.
I've really been feeling a lot of love from people around me lately and it's awesome. These are people who are just willing to love me and I am extremely grateful for that. God has been really blessing me a lot lately.
He was spoiling me really. And then he said no to a prayer, a HUGE prayer.
Wow. I was not expecting that. I legit did not see that one coming. God likes to spoil me so he usually answers my prayers with a "yes" but not this time and although I was extremely upset at the time I wasn't upset with God. I was upset at the situation and the events but my heart never got angry at him. I don't understand Him and I prayed and told him "this sucks" but I never blamed him and even when I think about my reaction I smile for no reason. Want to know why?? Because I would have NEVER done what I did today 2 years ago when I was a non-christian. Because today I truly realized the meaning of my transformation. You see things didn't turn out the way I had planned them today but God told me "DO NOT be anxious", he told me to follow him, yeah it was not easy, it was hard receiving a "no" from God when I usually get an approval for everything but I want to trust him, I'm going to trust him! Wow today I was able to obey God's will and follow His plan...had this happened two years ago I probably would have ignored God completely and done things my way. He is testing me, testing to see if I can walk the walk. It's one thing to say "I'm going to follow you" than to actually do it. I know that he's making me the person He wants me to be, he's preparing me for the future.
Today I had an amazing worship time just by myself in my living room and I was blasting my music and screaming my heart out and wow...I felt the Spirit SOOOOO MUCH!! Like there were times where I would get goose bumps and I knew that He was there and I knew God was in control.
I know that doing the right thing is hard and sometimes we don't even see how following the rules is worth it but think about it, we complain about the world and people who don't follow the rules...well when God tells us to go right we choose to go left!! Not all the time, but sometimes we just ignore him COMPLETELY and we ignore his will. I don't know how to explain it but even though I was sad and disappointed and angry I felt happy and peaceful (Philippians 4:7) and I felt JOY!
My attitude determines my situation. Now, I can choose to be a bratty 5 year old and pout about not being able to get things my way and be a total jerk to the people that brought about this situation OR I can act like a mature young lady and a faithful christian and realize that what I am facing right now is a spiritual battle and I can choose to stay focused on the events of today or I can move on and rejoice because I know God knows better, he planned this whole thing FOR A REASON!! I can choose to confront things with anger and sadness or I can choose to look for the joy in the little blessings of everyday life and confront this with love.
Some good will come out of this, because problems and trials and tribulations are cowards and they don't come by themselves, they come with a solution and lesson. And I know that the testing of my faith develops perseverance :)
My God's enough for me, I hope he's enough for you too :)

Did you know you are not alone??

I want to dedicate this to you. If you are dealing with a certain kind of temptation or sin in your life then this is for you my dear friend. So here it goes....

My dear friend, I want you to know that I love you and I have faith in you. I know it's hard, I know how good it feels to do what's wrong, but I also know how much satisfaction you get when you do what's right. I know that that sin is pulling you and it's luring you and tempting you, but I also know you are stronger than what you think you are but I need YOU to know that. I need you to have faith in yourself just like I have faith in you. Don't you dare give in to temptation, don't you dare ignore what your heart tells you. Your mind betrays you my friend, your feelings don't.

I want you to know you are not alone. I'm a sinner too. My sin bears a different face then yours but it's sin nonetheless. In order to encourage you I have to stay strong myself, I have to know my demons and how to defeat them. YOU are my inspiration for staying strong and Christ is my reason for winning this war. I will not let my sin consume me because I want you to know that yes, you can do it. It is possible. I am a helpless girl but a strong warrior because my strength is never ending (Philippians 4:13)

Please, if you are a non believer take my strength, borrow it from me because I love you and I know you don't belong in that world of sin and darkness. The light is shining on you and you will reach for it someday.

If you are a believer then know that Christ is with you!! I am with you!! Borrow his strength and cling on to what is good. Cling on to God! I refuse to sugar coat anything for you because you know better than this, you have an armor (Ephesians 6) and you better wear it. Be ready for this war and be ready to win it because no matter what the world tells you and what temptation you are facing, you are a light that was meant to shine as radiant as the sun and as beautiful as the moon at night.

I know it's hard, who said it was easy?? Know this, it will be hard, but it will be worth it. The best things in life are those that we fight for. Humans have fought for life, for freedom, for love, for respect, for territory. Now fight for yourself, fight for your life to be the way God wants it to be, fight for your freedom from this temptation, fight for the love that you feel for yourself and for the love that you feel for your family, friends and the love of your life, fight for respect for yourself because this sin is mocking you and taunting you and it's disrespecting the beloved child of God you were meant to be, fight for your territory because it wants to take over your heart and defile it and your heart doesn't belong to temptation.

I LOVE YOU!! I know you can do this, I know you can and I pray that you gather the strength necessary to win this war. My God is always with you and his spirit is here to save you from falling. Take his hand and if you can't, then take my love, I know how hard it is. With God's help, I win battles against my temptations every day, I dare you to join me in my quest for victory :) You are amazing!

Picking up the pieces

Oh man I haven't blogged in like a month. I kinda miss it! Which is why I decided to blog today, I just don't know what to blog about. Well I guess I could blog about relationships since it has been kind of a recurring theme in my life lately. I don't mean just romantic relationships I mean all kind of relationships.

Friendships
Ok I've been stupid lately, I've met so many new and amazing friends that I've kind of forgotten about some of my old friends. I usually hang out with my church friends a lot and they make me extremely happy, but I forget that I have school friends who love me and who need me. One of my best friends confronted me about this not too long ago and it helped open my eyes about the way I was acting, she felt completely abandoned by me and I felt like a jerk because she was right. I never meant to hurt her but I was just caught up in my recent blessings. I want to show God's love to everyone and specially my unsaved friends, I needed to wake up and realize that I am divided into many different little groups of friends and they all need me in one way or another. I am so blessed to have so many loving friends in my life!! Don't be stupid like me, don't forget about certain friends just because there are others coming into your life. If there are friendships that you are willing to fight for and that can be fixed, fix them. As for me I am trying to shuffle all of my friendships and although it gets a little difficult at times, these are kids that are worth it :) Thank you God for blessing me with so many loving people.

Family
Oh yes.....family. Can you believe that it's harder for me to love my family than to love my friends?? I don't get it, I don't know what it is but it has been that way for a couple of years now. For a little background on my family, my parents are divorced and I live with 3 of my 4 siblings. Now something that I have been working on lately is sibling bonding and obedience. I've been trying to show my mom how much I love her by including her into my life a little bit more and by doing random nice things for her. Now I don't know if you have an awesome mom like mine or if you have a mom who's not so great but who said that to show love you have to be loved back?? I mean look at Christ!! Dude couldn't be more hated by all of us and he still died on that cross because he LOVED US!! John 3:16 clearly says "For God so LOVED the world....." Who cares if my family shows me the same love that I show them, the point is that I am showing it and by doing so I shine God's light (Matthew 5:16). Look it's not easy, it's not easy trying to bond with my siblings because I know how much of a jerk I was before I got saved, I'm trying to pick up the pieces of relationships that have been broken and that can be better if I just try a little. I'm not saying they are willing to put in the same effort, but without knowing it someday they will start acting just like me, at least that's what I hope for. I don't know why I find it so hard to love my family but I know that I am willing to try because these are the people that God chose for me and he knows what he's doing, he knows they need me and I need them. So do me a favor will you? Whether they "deserve" it or not, please do a random act of love for someone in your family today, you never know what could come out of that :)

Crushes, boyfriends and any other shenanigans
Haha. I got a little creative with that title :) Well if you are wondering, no, I do not have a boyfriend, but I do have a crush, a wonderful boy who is passionate for God and has become one of my absolute best friends. My favorite part about me and him is the fact that we can get together and talk for hours and hours without having "awkward" moments. Of course I worry and wonder about the "what ifs??", "what if he doesn't want to talk to me? what if Im bothering him? what if he doesn't miss me? I wonder if I crossed his mind" and yada yada yada, all that stuff that goes through a girl's head. Ok let me say that I am a teenager and I much as I would want to not think about that stuff....I CAN'T HELP IT!! lol. Do you ever watch a movie that you've already seen before and then there's a part coming up that you don't like or makes you cringe and you almost want to skip it but you can't cause you happen to be watching the movie with your friends and they really like that part? Well that's how I feel right now. haha. I wish I could skip this whole "having feelings for someone" thing and move on with my life but I can't. If you have a crush or a boyfriend and you are feeling a little like me....STOP! Take a breather and relax. Step back for a second, no matter how things are going with your crush be faithful, the only thing we will never run out of is hope. Stay calm, don't chase after a boy, chase after something that matters. Idk about you but I gave my heart to Christ, he's keeping it safe for my husband and God knows why he allowed these feelings to happen. Ok this boy is amazing, yeah he makes me mad sometimes and sometimes without realizing it he hurts me but I can't explain what I feel for him. So what if he does or doesn't have feelings for me? We have a wonderful friendship and that's what matters, the day that ends that's when my heart will be crushed! If you like someone WHO'S WORTH HAVING YOU BY HIS/HER SIDE then pursue a FRIENDSHIP! Don't go after someone's heart, go after the brightness they can bring into your life. Chase the light.

God
Ahh yes, I finally got to my favorite one. Before I begin....Heavenly Father, thank you for a new day, Holy Spirit please guide my thoughts and type these words for me. Amen. Ok we are all good now. Yep, I have to do this, why? Because out of every relationship in my life this one matters to me the most. I've been a christian for like a year and a half and my transformation has been AMAZING!! God went from being like a "whatever" thing in my life to being my EVERYTHING! Look if you are not saved then this message is for you: He loves you, he truly does love you, he loves you more than anyone else in this world, he loves you to the moon and back and three times as much as that, he loves you so much that he took the time to create a whole life story for you and to create trials so that you could learn from them to create good times so that you could laugh and have fun and joy. He loves you so much that he forgave you and gave you life through Christ, but it is YOUR choice! Heck Im almost 18, after that my parents can't tell me what to do anymore, God can't force you to love him, that's a choice only YOU can make! You can listen to the lies the world tells you or you can search within your heart for the truth!! God said "let there be light", I promise you that the light inside of you will let you know that he is real and that Christ is real and I dare you to look for it. I dare you to look into the mirror and tell me that your life without God is better than my life with him, go ahead try it....I tried it and I failed. You are his beautiful, beloved child :) If you are saved then I am so happy for you my dear brother or sister. I am so happy because like me you were lucky enough to hear the gospel from someone who loves you, someone who cares about you so much that they wanted to see you in heaven but now I want to challenge you and encourage you to be that person for someone else. Don't you dare shut up about the gospel (Romans 1:16), don't you dare conform to this world (Romans 12:2), if you do that the devil wins, if you do that you give him a victory in a battle from a war that he is sure to loose. Look guys, God is my everything because I know that Christ is REAL! I love him because he opened my eyes to what my life can be like if I let him lead me, I love him because he died on the cross so that I don't have to suffer eternally, I love him because every time I look to the sky and smile I know he's looking back and smiling as well, I love him because he picked up the pieces of the selfish, bitter, lying and ungrateful human being that I was and put them together, not only did he put them together but he also polished them, he told me that I was more than that, I was made for more than that.

Let me put it this way: you and I, we are nothing more than just filthy rags but some people think that those rags are just not filthy enough and so they cover them in mud, and when I say cover I mean completely cover them with mud (lies, hurt, betrayal, mean words, mean actions, profanity, etc). We are now covered in all this mud and we feel even more filthy than before. The good thing about that is that Christ is the only person who knows how to wash away all that mud and make those rags all better again :) I'm not telling you accepting salvation will be easy because I don't know that for sure but I am telling you to give it a try because all that mud surrounding you right now, you won't be able to get over that on your own. Trust me, I tried and failed.

Wow.....Ok that was a lot. A little bit of a rant too, well I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did :)

We are useful in our uselessness :)

Ok listen up, this is something that has been on my heart lately and I just HAVE to blog about it. Let's start with the beginning, I am NOT in the very least talented. I don't do sports, I can't sing, I can't draw to save my life, I'm a semi ok dancer, don't even get me started on writing (and this doesn't count, this is just mindless ranting), I am just naturally not good at anything. You know how there's people that are just naturally awesome at everything? Or those people that are really good with one thing in specific?? Like swimming, or singing, or whatever. Ok well I am not one of those people. I was thinking this week how useless I am, I mean compared to the great friends around me I am just dust, honestly. I kind of analyze all the things that my closest friends are good at and man they are so useful!! I can so see how God is using their abilities to take them to far places. See guys, these kids that I hang our with, they are really great and talented kids, whether its music or sports or theater they are just naturally good. So I wondered, what about me? Why am I so useless and talentless??

Then I discovered that there is one thing I'm good at and ts the only thing that I care about being good at.

Being a christian.

WHAAAAAAAT?! Mind blown!! Ok allow me to explain. Look, I am completely useless in the terms that this world defines as useless, but I am extremely useful if we use heavenly terms. Being a christian is the only thing I'm really good at and it's the only thing I care about excelling in. I will make sure that no one worships better than me, no one loves God more than me, no one reads and follows scripture more than me. Now I know this probably can't happen because I'm not perfect but the good thing is that I am useless and in my uselessness I am useful to God to show the world that his love is more important than anything else. That a life with Christ is worth more than any great thing you can imagine. And just because it can't happen doesn't mean that I won't try! I will try because my love for God tells me that I need to try. Yes I do have a talent! My talent is being a christian, it is God given and it is by grace. To this world I am useless because I don't do all the "amazing" things that other kids can do but to heaven I am useful because I can express my love for Christ by understanding and accepting that my uselessness is not bad :) I rejoice in the fact that I can't do anything right because it reminds me that I don't belong in this world, that my soul belongs in heaven and will get there someday.

Ok but what about you really talented people? Does my little rant mean that you are not useful? Not at all!! You excel in either one thing or in everything you do but there is one little thing in which you will be useless or you will fail and even then you are useful to God somehow, it is for him to decide how he will use you.

If you are non believer then I am praying for you but this applies to you too, you may feel like you are completely useless and have no talents, well guess what? YOU'RE WRONG!! Because whether or not you like it or you see it God is using you. God uses non believers to show me that I am not done, that my work here is not done, so there you go, in your uselessness you are useful :)

I am a useless human with a faithful heart and a spiritually talented christian.

Don't ever think that being useless is a bad thing, if you ever feel useless remember that even king David felt useless at one point. You do have a talent, it takes a while to find it but you have one. Search for it, don't sit there and wait for it to magically show up, search your heart!! My dear, you have no idea what you are capable of.

Greg and Alexis

Ok I have to dedicate a blog post to two inspiring guys that I met a little while ago.

About a month ago I was over at my friend's house and I was taking the bust back home. I noticed a homeless man at my stop. He was getting ready to go into traffic because there was a red light (he was trying to collect change from drivers), I was looking at him and he looked at me and I smiled, he smiled back and started walking, as he was walking I said "God bless you!" and he kept smiling. A woman at the bus stop started talking to me about being kind and the importance of kindness and it was nice. The man came back and started conversation with me, he told me his name was Greg and then he asked me if I went to church, where did I go to church, if I had a strong faith, questions like those. We had a wonderful conversation about God. He told me he lived on a tent in the park, he showered every 2 days by the park right across the street and he got food from the church that he goes to. I had a wonderful time talking to him but my favorite part of the conversation was when he turned to me with tears in his eyes and said "this world is nothing! Do you know why we have to suffer? It is because Christ suffered for us on that cross." Holy cow that spoke to me SO MUCH!!! This man who has nothing compared to me was telling me that his sufferings are nothing compared to what Christ suffered, do you know how inspiring that is? (If you have no idea how much Christ suffered on the cross than I suggest you find a bible and read how they describe it in the gospels, that or watch The Passion of the Christ, believer or non-believer I assure you, you will cry.) He told me several times to not conform to the world, this world is nothing compared to life with God, IT WAS AMAZING!!!!! A middle aged homeless man cried in front of me and these were not tears of sadness, these were tears of gratitude. I cannot describe how I felt at that moment.
BUT!
That's not the only friend I made that day. So my bus came and went, whatever, I was doing more important things at the moment, getting home on time could wait. As I was talking to Greg, another friend of his came up to him, his name was Alexis, he was a little younger but also very faithful. We spoke some more about God and about his greatness and we talked about the bible and our favorite books in the bible. Here I was standing with two men who have less material things than me but their faith was amazing, they loved God so much!! That's exactly how I want to be, whether I live in a mansion or in a tent in a park, the one thing that can only change for the better is my love for Christ, my love for God!!
You think your life is hard? Really? My dear, try carrying a cross for miles and miles, try being beaten and humiliated for hours, try having your best friend deny you, try having your father turn his face from you because you are so filthy with sin, sin that you never committed. If the God of all had to suffer, who do you think you are not to? SUFFERING IS NOT BAD!! The testing of your faith develops perseverance and if you have no faith I believe that suffering brings faith.
I want you to listen to this song because it is amazing and it makes me think of Greg and Alexis, my homeless friends from whom I learned that no matter where I go in life, God is better than any blessing and any obstacle. Thank you Greg and Alexis, thank you for your unfailing faith. I wish the whole world could meet these guys.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eOOFAaUGfRE

Because it's mother's day

Yes. I had to. I just had to.
It's INCREDIBLE the amount of work that mothers do for us. Holy cow, I mean starting with the 9 months that they have to put up with us kicking them and making them sick and hormonal. haha. I don't think that as children we truly know how much our moms sacrifice for us and how much they love us. From my persona experience, it took me a couple of years to really appreciate my mom.
I have been extremely blessed because I have an AMAZING mother. Honestly, I have no idea where I would be without my mom. I see her as one of the strongest people I know because she has had a difficult life, my mom has lived in extreme poverty and has struggled with people putting her down her whole life and yet she's still standing. She has done everything possible to be a good mother, she will stop buying stuff for herself just to get us what we need, and when I mean "stuff" I don't mean "extra stuff", I mean essential things that any human being needs. My mother was born to be a mother because it's the thing that she does best, my mom has worked in many other things but being a mom is what makes her the happiest. Now I'm not saying she's the perfect mother because she's not, she has made mistakes just like any other mom out there, but she tries. She tries so hard to be the best she can be and give us the best and that's what matters to me. I don't count her mistakes, how can I? Was I made to judge my parents?? No. I was made to love them and respect them and on a day like today I want to honor my mother.
But...
This is NOT only for my mother. This is for every mother out there. Whether your mom is alive or has passed away take this day to celebrate and honor your mom. Really think about everything that your mom has done for you and do at least one nice thing for your mom.
I know my mom is great and I am blessed but I also know not everyone has great mothers. If your mom is not the greatest mom out there or she left you or she doesn't agree with you on a lot of things, then be thankful. Be thankful for all their flaws because that pain they cause you is the most useless suffering you will ever feel. No mother in her right mind means to hurt her children, her love for you is unconditional! Just because someone doesn't know how to love it doesn't mean they don't posses that feeling. Heck yeah it hurts, but you have a choice, you either sit there and judge your mother and let the pain consume you, or you can be the better person and love her even it she doesn't reciprocate.
And if you are a mom reading this, congratulations. You have no idea how important your role is in this world. Don't EVER feel like you are not appreciated or loved because it's a lie. No matter how bratty your kids are they do love you. They do!! And you might not get paid for what you do but love is the best payment anyone can get.
Have a wonderful mother's day! God bless you!!!!!!!!

Dear girl, did you know I was like you?

This is a letter written to any girl out there who needs it. Holy Spirit guide my thoughts

Dear girl,

I've never met you and I'm probably never gonna meet you but did you know I was like you? Did you know I hated the image in the mirror? Yeah I used to dislike who I was, in fact I didn't even know who I was. People would tell me I was beautiful and I never believed them. Some people would tell me I needed to loose weight because no one was going to love me that way, now I don't know why but those words I did believe, those words I did take to heart. Somehow those lies were the ones that sunk in, it was because I looked in the mirror and pointed out every imperfection possible, nothing about me was good or worthy of liking. When your friends have boyfriends and your crush doesn't even look at you.............well, let's just say it's pretty easy to believe the lies. I didn't have a boy to tell me that I was beautiful and that he loved me and wanted to be with me forever. I looked in the mirror and saw someone who no one could ever like or have feelings for. Why did I do that? As teenage girls why do we like to torture ourselves? I'm sure you do it too, you stare at yourself in the mirror and spend hours trying to make yourself look better because you are not happy with what you see and you need make up to cover up and feel beautiful. Well that was me, I would spend at least and hour getting ready and making sure that my hair looked great, my mascara was perfect, my lips were glossy, eyeshadow was a must! And I was only in 8th grade.....wow, I was still 14 and I was putting make up on. I wanted to impress a boy and impress the world. I was working out because that's what the world required of me. You see I was never going to believe I was beautiful until a boy told me so, until I knew I could be liked and loved. Boy was I jealous of those Victoria's Secret models who could basically pick out a boyfriend from the crowd, and boy was I jealous of my best friends, don't get me wrong, their relationships were adorable but I wanted something like that. It's human nature to feel like that but with me it was unhealthy, it was destroying my self esteem. Don't let it destroy yours.
Now that was only the physical part. Dear girl, did you know I used to hate my inner self too? Oh yeah, I didn't like who I was inside either. My perspective of myself was : "I'm not pretty, I get angry all the time, I'm never strong enough, I always have to pretend, I hate this girl, she is too jealous, too ugly, too envious. No one loves you, not your family, not your friends, not anyone. Why are you even alive?" Yeah not a place to be huh? I attempted suicide because I was done, I was done with myself, this girl that I trusted with my problems and that I laughed with since I was born was the same girl that now I couldn't stand, was the same girl that I wanted to murder, literally murder. Countless tears were shed and countless more were retained.
So I got a boyfriend, yay!!!!........Not really, if a boy tells you he likes you, do you believe him? Because I couldn't believe this boy, I couldn't believe he would and could like me. So in my head I needed to hear the words "you are beautiful" from a boy but when I heard them, I STILL DIDN'T BELIEVE!! WHAT?!?! What was it gonna take for me to get it?! What was it gonna take for me to understand that I was beautiful inside and out even if I couldn't see it? Was it gonna take for YOU to notice your beauty?
Look I don't care how old you are or how much you hate or love yourself but I'm going to tell you something that you need to hear: YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! STOP BELIEVING WHAT THE WORLD TELLS YOU!!! Beauty is a very personal thing and is subjective, love yourself first if you want the world to love you.
How did I do it? How did I survive? Well, the cool thing is....I didn't. I didn't do anything, God did it all. He showed me that I was beautiful, that I was his princess, his bride. Everytime I held that knife to take my life and couldn't do it, well it made me feel like a bigger coward than before, but I wasn't ready to die, there is something in this life that I have to do, my story was not ready to end yet. I wanted a boy to tell me I was gorgeous and God did more than that, Christ did more than that. He showed me that his love was immense! Not only did he think I was beautiful, oh no, he loved me even with all my imperfections. He made me with all these imperfections and those make me so unique! GOD LOVES YOU! I don't care if you believe in him or not (and I pray that you do) but the truth is the HE LOVES YOU! Your life may not be easy but he's there!!!! I had to learn to love myself. Dear girl I know how it feels, to not have God, to not have hope, to hate what you see but I understand where you and I went wrong, we listened to every word we heard, to every image we saw. The media shows us stunning girls who are size 0 and we envy them, imagine if everyone was a size 0, do we become beautiful or do we become clones? We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. We cannot be clones.
Dear girl STOP IT! Stop the pain, love yourself, learn how to do it. I want you to know I love you and that there is good in you, of course there's good in you. You are a princess and your husband will love you no matter how you look or feel about yourself because that is real love. If you think that only because a guy likes you that makes you beautiful then I'm sorry to tell you that you are wrong. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will.
Dear girl, what is beauty??
Finally, know this: Loving myself did not come easily, it's not a facile task to love something that you once despised. But by the grace of God I did it, I stopped believing what the world was telling me and the world is going to tell you that God is not real. Think of all the lies it has told you before, will you trust it again? You are worth so much!!! Even the most valuable diamond in this world is not more beautiful than you are because you have a chance to know God, because even in all the struggles that you've faced you still survived.
I love you so much and I hope you can love yourself as much as I love you.
Sincerely,
A girl who was once like you

Pray for the stars

Hey there! Well I was just thinking today and I was thinking that almost never do I pray for the stars and by stars I mean celebrities. I mean honestly, we get caught up in the fact that these people are beautiful and surrounded by money and live glamorous lives and we forget that they are humans just like you and I. Yeah the paparazzi follows them around and give us pretty much everything we want to know, but they don't tell us what we don't want to know. Rarely ever does a paparazzi or a magazine take the time and effort of finding out the problems that celebs have, just because someone smiles it doesn't mean they are happy. Smiles can be deceitful and I think that celebrities hide a lot of things because they influence their fans a lot and we don't like to see our heroes be fragile. For example, one celebrity that I truly admire is Angelina Jolie. Don't get me wrong, I know she is not perfect or anything and there are a lot of things about her that I don't agree with but you have to admit that she is a great actress, she can deliver a variety of characters, from a secret agent to a desperate mother. I admire her skills as an actress and her passion for acting and directing. She is someone that I must pray for and will pray for. Yeah she has money and beauty and a wonderful family but do I know her struggles? She could be going through something really harsh right now and not a single paparazzi would tell me. You see we never know what our stars are going trough. Their lives seem so perfect and wonderful but no one has a perfect life.
But I like her, it's easy for me to pray for celebrities that I like, but what about those that I don't like? What about Marilyn Manson (whom I can't stand) or Drake (yeah Im not a fan of him)? Should I cast them out?? NO! On the other hand I should pray for them even more! Think of celebrities or people that you can't stand and pray for them, don't let that be an excuse for you not praying, I don't know Drake but I know that his life is not all roses and lilies. Pray pray pray. No prayer is ever wasted.